The Switch
by Evenstar1002
Summary: "Three weeks of torture will have to be enough because you do not know how to stand here another night and not go to her to open yourself up to her for real this time, to kiss her and make her yours." Deals with the events of the season 1 finale. D/E fic.
1. Prequel

**The Switch**

You are standing in front of _her_ house, hidden in the shadows of an oak tree that is even older than you. You have been standing here every night, for the past three weeks, longing to be inside there with _her_. It has been three weeks since you opened up to _her_, three weeks since that kiss. Only that it was not _her_ who you have opened up to, not _her_ who you have kissed. And the knowledge has been killing you for twentyone days and twentyone nights.

While you are standing there in the shadows, looking up at _her_ window, you also look inside yourself. You have been searching for that switch to shut off humanity, to shut off all those emotions that have been cursing through you ever since that one fateful night. But somehow you seem to have trouble finding that switch even though you have been a vampire for 145 years and never had problems with it before.

While you are standing there, you think back to the night three weeks ago, to the night where all of this disaster began. You had come here to thank _her _for saving you and to thank _her_ for caring for you even though God only knows you did not deserve it. You have killed other human beings without an ounce of regret and you have tried to kill _her_ best friend and still she cared enough to save you. And for that you wanted to thank _her_. But you did not find _her_ but the one person you thought you wanted more than life itself. And when you came face to face with that one person only moments later you wanted nothing more than to kill her because she hurt _her_. She hurt _her_ and killed _her_ father and she broke your heart and she never loved you the way you loved her. And the thought that she could have killed _her_ drives you mad still and so with a branch that you turned into a stake while running back to _her_ house upon hearing _her_ desperate cries for help you lunged at that one person's heart because it did not deserve to grace this planet any longer. You also realize that yours probably does not either but in that one moment you do not care because you have to kill her before she hurts anyone else in your town.

While you are standing there under _her_ window, you barely notice the lights going on because inside yourself you are still watching that one night like a movie. You heared _her _silent sobs from the kitchen, felt _her_ fear, smelled the blood and before your stake reached the bitch's heart your brother was there, holding back your arm and he was still stronger than you expected because there was still some human blood left in him. The bitch used that moment of hesitation to flee. And when you thought it would be you chasing after her it was your brother because you could not move out of shock of the whole situation and furthermore you did not want to leave _her_. And you could have slapped yourself that night for your vulnerability and weakness because otherwise none of this would have happened. You might still have thanked _her_, yes, might even have kissed _her_ but your heart would not have pounded like a drum and your mind would not have been clouded with images of a future that could never be and then you would have known it was not _her _right that second.

You are still standing in front of _her_ house, still hidden in the shadows of that oak tree that is even older than you and after three weeks you finally find that switch to turn of your feelings. Three weeks of torture will have to be enough because you do not know how to stand here another night and not go to _her_ to open yourself up to _her_ for real this time, to kiss _her_ and make _her_ yours. Because you want it be _her_ lips that you feel for the next three weeks, months, years and for the next three eternities. So while you start reaching inside yourself to flip that switch, your hand starts moving as well and it touches your lips of its own accord. A bolt shoots through you and suddendly you realize that there is no going back, that even if you shut down your heart you will still want _her_ lips on yours and you will still want _her_ to care for you and to be your friend, if nothing else, because you realize she is anchored to your soul and to break that chain you would have to kill yourself.

And while you are still standing hidden in the shadows you remember that you are a selfish bastard after all and that you love your undead life way too much so that you could not kill yourself even if you wanted to. Because you are _her_ friend and she would be hurt, no matter what kind of feelings she held for you, and the last thing you want is to hurt _her_ any further. The thought of getting out of town and do some killing crosses your mind for a second then because that is what your old self would have done for sure. But the thought no longer holds any appeal to you so instead you decide to go home and drown your feelings in one of your expensive whiskeys and you just have to believe that it will work because the ache in your heart gets so unbearable right now that you do not know what else to do. But what you do know is that tomorrow at least the aching in your head will be worse than the one in your heart.

_A/N: It's my first D/E fic and I'm not really sure about it. But since it wouldn't let me go to sleep I just had to write and post it. So there ya go :-) Loved it? Hated it? Let me know, pretty please?_

_Also, The Vampire Diaries and its awesome characters and storylines (sadly) don't belong to me. This is for entertainment only._


	2. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

Elena bolted up in her bed, her black tank-top drenched with sweat, clinging tightly to her body. She leaned over and reached for the lamp on her nightstand, turning it on and then letting herself fall back into her pillows again. She could hear her heart pounding in her ears, beating at a rate that probably wasn't healthy anymore but other than that the night was as silent as ever. And then all of a sudden Elena could feel a calmness washing over her and she immediately knew that _he_ was here and that nothing could happen to her.

It has been like that for three weeks now. Katherine had been visiting her in her dreams for the past twenty-one nights, sometimes killing Uncle John again, sometimes killing Jeremy or Jenna or Damon or Stefan. And sometimes, if the nightmare was especially cruel, she killed all of them, hovering over their dead bodies with blood smeared all around her mouth and an evil grin plastered on her face.

Every night Elena would wake up, sweat running down her forehead and her heart hammering in her chest. It would take a few moments and then she would feel his calming presence and know that she could go back to sleep without any further thinking of what it all meant. But not that night.

Elena sat up again, rubbing her eyes. Somehow, the dream that night had scared her more than all the others. _She was watching Katherine as she ran a stake through Damon's heart, saw how the emotions and the light that she only noticed starting to enter his eyes a couple of weeks ago slowly left his icy blue eyes now. Elena wanted to scream but no sound left her throat and before she could reach him, his skin shriveled and turned to a dark grey color. _Elena tried to ban the dream from her mind, not understanding why it was this dream in particular that left her more shaken than the others.

Grabbing her cell phone from the nightstand, Elena let out a heavy sigh. Usually her phone was turned off during the night because it gave her headaches when it was lying there beside her while she was asleep. Ever since Stefan went off to chase after Katherine however she couldn't bring herself to turn it off out of fear that she might miss an important phone call or text massage. But of course Stefan had neither called nor left her a text massage that night. She wondered why it took him so long to come back or why he never seemed to have time to at least tell her that he was okay. Stefan had only called the day after he left, telling her that he was going to go after Katherine to ensure that she could never hurt anyone again. He apologized because he felt like it was his fault that she still left, having stopped Damon from staking her in the first place. After that he had only called one more time, about a week later, and sent a text massage four days ago. He had also checked in with Damon twice, telling him to tell her that he was doing okay and that he would be home soon.

That was about the only two times that Elena and Damon had talked for real. She knew he was there every night, had been there for the last twenty nights and was again here that night and that knowledge was the only thing that kept her sane through all of this. What Elena didn't understand though was why he didn't show up more often, why he never returned her calls or why he was never there when she stopped by at the boarding house after school to check in on him. Weren't they supposed to be friends? Or did he change his mind all of a sudden? But why was he there then, every night, to stand guard and keeping her safe? Maybe Stefan ordered him to do so... and during the day he's minding his own business, just as he always does. He was never one to care for much besides himself. But the minute that thought crossed Elena's mind she wanted to hit herself for even thinking it because she knew that Damon had changed, had seen it with her own eyes over the last couple of weeks and had again seen the worry in his eyes a week ago, when he had stopped by to deliver Stefan's massage.

* * *

_A week ago..._

_Elena was sitting at the isle in the middle of her kitchen, absentmindedly chewing on an apple, when she heard a knock on the door. Her heart took a leap and as quickly as she could she ran to the door, pulling it open. She had hoped it would be Stefan finally returning to her but instead she found his brother, clad as most of the times in black jeans and a black t-shirt, his blue eyes emotionless and the usually flirtatious look replaced with a serious one._

_"Oh. Hey, Damon!" Elena said and tried to hide her disappointment but she was sure that he caught it nonetheless._

_"Hello, Elena," he answered and nodded his head in greeting._

_"It's good to see you!" She said honestly and smiled at him slightly. "Do you wanna come in?"_

_"No, thank you. I'm just gonna deliver you a message and then I'll be gone again," Damon explained, his face still expressionless and making Elena wonder what had happened to him make him appear so distant._

_"Okay.", Elena just said and stepped out of the door and onto the porch, closing the door behind her. She watched Damon take a step back and then looking at her from head to toes._

_"How are you?" Elena asked after he didn't start talking._

_"Peachy," Damon said and forced a smile on his lips._

_"And how have you been really doing? I know that what happened must have..."_

_"I'm really okay, Elena. Thanks for asking." He interrupted her before she could talk any further._

_Elena looked at him intently, trying to figure out if he was telling the truth or not. She knew he was a vampire and could turn off his feelings if he wanted to. But even the great "I-have-no-heart"-Damon couldn't pretend that the whole Katherine thing left him cold. And Elena in fact knew that he had a heart because he trusted her and knew that he didn't have to pretend with her. But before she could say anything else, Damon started talking again._

_"Stefan called this morning. He said he just left Texas behind a couple of hours ago and doesn't know where he is going next. Katherine knows that he's following her, so she's extra careful. He said he'll check in with you soon again and that he has a plan so that he'll hopefully be back soon. He also told me to let you know that you should take care of yourself and that he'll explain everything once he is back."_

_"That... okay... Uhm... Thanks for telling me, Damon." Elena said, trying to stop the onslaught of thoughts._

_"You're welcome." Damon replied and eyed her carefully._

_"Did he say what kind of plan he has?" Elena asked after a couple of moments._

_"Nope, just that he had one. He sounded pretty sure of himself... but I don't know. With Katherine you never know what she'll come up with..." Damon said, his look becoming distant._

_"Do you think he is in danger?" she asked, fear clear in her voice._

_"Like I said, with Katherine you never know. But I'm sure he'll be careful and soon you'll have him back." Damon answered and for a moment Elena thought to hear an ounce of bitterness in his voice. But it was gone the second she noticed it._

_"Are you really okay?" Elena tried again but again it was to no use._

_"I should get going. I have somewhere to be. Take care, Elena. I'll see you soon." he said and sent a small smile in her direction, a flash of worry coursing through his eyes for a split second, and without waiting for a reply he was gone._

_Elena stood on the veranda for a couple of more minutes, wondering again why Damon behaved the way he did. She understood that he must be hurt over what happened with Katherine, her being back and everything, but she thought they were friends and that he would talk to her if he something was troubling him. God knew, she really could need a friend right now, a strong shoulder to lean on for support, someone to tell her that it all will be okay in the end._

_

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_

Elena looked over at the alarm and saw that it was 3:30am and then got up from her bed and went over to the window. She could still feel him close and was confused for the hundredth time of how she became so in tune with Damon. It must have been the fact that he was the one constant in her life during those horrible three weeks, even if he wasn't talking to her. At least that's what she told herself. It was still pitch black outside but nonetheless she could see him standing there under the old oak tree across the street, seeming to be lost in thoughts.

Without another moment of hesitation, Elena decided that this was as best of an opportunity to talk to him as it would get and started to head for the door, grabbing her bathrobe on the way out. She pulled the garment tightly around her body and ran down the stairs, not wanting to lose another second. Elena tried to be as silent as possible so as not to wake Jenna or Jeremy because them awake and asking questions would be the last thing she needed right now. Coming to a halt before the front door, Elena opened it carefully. The moment she opened it however she felt a shift deep within her body and knew without a doubt that he was gone. She stepped onto the veranda nonetheless, her eyes drifting to the oak but all she could see was darkness.

* * *

_A/N: I'm still not entirely sure where this whole thing is headed. I only know that there'll be lots and lots of D/E lovin for sure. But it'll take a while until we get there because there's still Stefan to deal with. And I really like the guy but I just love D/E more 3_

_Did you like the chapter? Feedback would be greeeatly appreciated! Maybe I can make Damon bite you in return?  
_

_A/N2: Thanks so much to my beta reader, teardrop_echo_s_! You're my hero :)_


	3. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

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The short walk home took Damon longer then expected, his mind having kept him distracted the whole way. He had a hard time convincing himself to keep going and not to turn around to run back to Elena. The minute he closed the door of the boarding house behind himself, he let out a heavy sigh and went for the parlor immediately. His beloved bottles of all different types of alcohol greeted him as soon as he walked in, pulling Damon into their grasp. Though he knew that the alcohol wouldn't solve his problems and even though he knew that he could never drink enough to make the pain in his heart stop, that sure as hell wouldn't stop him from trying.

By the time Damon sat on the couch in front of the fireplace, he had already drowned two glasses of whiskey and was currently sipping on his third one. There were a lot of advantages to being a vampire, but the fast decomposition of alcohol definitely wasn't one. It was all part of the whole quick reflexes and instincts thing, a mechanism within himself that only tried to keep his undead body alive as long as possible. But right at that moment, it didn't really give him much comfort when all he wanted to do was stop the pain.

While Damon watched the flames dance around the fireplace his mind started to drift off again. He wondered briefly how Stefan was doing and if he really had any success in chasing down Katherin. Because he doubted that his naive and weak little brother could even come close to trapping an old vampire like their sire. No doubt the human blood would have left his system entirely by now, him being back to his old self. And like that he wanted to beat Katherin? Damon let out a scornful laughter, bringing the glass of whiskey to his mouth and taking another deep gulp. _Yeah, sure, Stefan will beat her._

Thoughts about his former lover filled his head, pictures of times long forgotten but then also pictures of a time only three weeks ago. He still hasn't forgiven himself for not noticing the difference between kissing Elena and kissing Katherin. Not that he had any kind of comparison but he should have known that it was _not _Elena that he was kissing. And if his heart hadn't beaten so loudly that it dulled his hearing and hadn't the images of a future that could never be, a future with Elena, clouded his judgement, he was convinced that he would have known it was Katherin right that second. Because thinking back to that moment three weeks ago, he now knew with a certainty that it could never have been. Damon could still feel the kiss, the rough pressure and raw passion. He knew that Elena would have never kissed him like that. It wasn't the way Elena kissed, from what he could tell after having seen her and Stefan make out more than once in front of him. And there was that other reason why he immediately should have known that it wasn't Elena: Stefan. She would have never kissed him because she was with his loser brother and because she loved his loser brother.

For a second, Damon felt something twist in his heart before it went back to the dull aching. Feeling the ache in his heart at the thought of Elena and Stefan, Damon emptied the third glass of whiskey before he placed it on the table in front of him. He really didn't want his thoughts to go to _that _place because it would make him want to hate Stefan and Elena. But Damon also knew that even after everything Stefan had done to him, and vice versa, they were still brothers and could never really hate each other. No matter how much they both wanted to, no matter how much they tried. He coudn't hate Elena either, for all different kind of reasons. The most important one was that she was his friend. His only friend. She cared for him, she was the reason Bonnie saved him and she accepted him just the way he was. The bad and the bad, with some of the good thrown in as well. Elena wasn't afraid of him, she wasn't afraid of being alone with him when every other person would be very well advised to not cross paths with him, especially when he was angry or hungry. Even less so when he was both. But Elena saw him for what he really was, for the man he might become once more, under the right circumstances, and for that he could never hurt her or hate her. Damon didn't know when his feelings for Elena had started to change, most of the times he was even afraid to think about it too much out of fear of what he might come to realize.

For about 150 years all he ever felt was pain. Assuming of course, he allowed himself to feel anything at all. Which wasn't very often, as his mind stayed as far away from that switch as possible. But the feelings that have cursed through him those last couple of weeks, or might it already have been months, scared the shit out of him, so he ignored them most of the time. And he was proud to say that he succeeded in doing so very very well. Most of the time. Things he didn't know or didn't understand were better left ignored, with that tactic he had survived the last 150 years.

Damon went absentmindly over to the table with the bottles of liquor on it and filled his glass for the fourth time with the same expensive beverage, before strolling over to the huge window of the parlor. He stared out into the night, the blackness giving him some sort of comfort and calming his nerves. The urge to flip the switch to shut out his humanity crossed his mind again. "Life was a lot easier" that way, he had told Jeremy only a couple of weeks ago. And it really had been. But he also knew that he would _never _get her out of his soul, no matter what he decided to do. So what would be the good in it? Did he really want to become his old self again? Using beautiful women to drink their blood and work off some of his other urges as well? Killing innocent people just for the fun of it? A sad smile spread across Damon's face at the images flooding through his mind, images of a time when he was selfish and reckless and just plain evil. He hadn't given a damn about anything and he had enjoyed every single second of it. Until _she_ came along and changed his whole being. Elena shouldn't have had that kind of power over him. No one should have. Except _maybe _Katherin, at least that he would have understood. But she gave up that right when she drove him mad in his search for her, only to find out that she never cared about him at all. It amazed Damon how he could think of Katherin without so much as a pang in his heart. After all those years, decades and even centuries of love and longing to be with that one person, all that's left is cold-hearted hatred. He always believed that nothing would ever be able to come between them as soon as he got her back. He would have made sure that Katherin would have known that it was him that searched for a way to save her all those years and that Stefan never so much as raised a finger to come to her aid. He would have made sure to prove his love to her, to show her that he was the right person for her. He would have been her dark prince, together they could have ruled the world. They would have taken everything they wanted and he would have matched her evilness perfectly. But when Damon thought of her now, all those pictures meant nothing at all to him anymore. If he wanted to kill anyone right then, it was definitely her.

In his mind, Damon tried to take a step back from that cliff that would throw him into the arms of murder and spitefullness. He had been dancing around the edges way too closely those last few days. Giving in would be so much easier. And then life might be easier again as well, even if he would still have whatever kind of twisted feelings for the girlfriend of his brother. He didn't understand how Stefan could do it, how he could stand the pain and the guilt and the horror of everyday's life when it would be so much better to just forget about it all. It was that exact moment that Damon heared the soft knock at the entrance door echoeing through the house. A normal human being would have had problems hearing it, even if he had been standing right next to the door. But for Damon, wrapped up in the darkness and the silence of the night, it was almost too loud, the sound startling him and pulling him out of his thoughts. Taking in a deep breath he could smell the light fragrance of vanilla and strawberry drifting towards him and he knew immediately that it could only be one person.

* * *

_A/N: Who might it be? Elena? But that would be too easy, wouldn't it? Maybe Katherin? To kick Damon's ass for being such a softie when he's alone? Or maybe it's Stefan? Who just found out that he's gay, that's why he's using a new shampoo... (And I'm just kidding of course. I really DO like Stefan very much and feel very sorry to have to break his heart sooner or later. Or will he be the heartbreaker?)_

_Feedback would be really appreciated again :-) The offer of making Damon bite you still stands! The next updated shouldn't take so long :-)  
_


	4. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

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Elena nervously moved her weight from one leg to the other while waiting for the door to be opened. She wasn't entirely sure if it had been such a good idea to come here, seeing that Damon obviously didn't want to talk to her. But Elena didn't like how things were between them and she was determined to set them right. She missed her friend and it hurt her to know that something was bothering Damon.

No sound disturbed the silence of the night and Elena wondered if he was even home. With his super inhuman speed he should have been back from her house by the time she arrived but then again, maybe Damon didn't want to be back home yet. Elena was a little confused as to why Damon ignored her quiet so much. That wasn't like him. Sure, he wasn't the type of guy who talked about his feelings freely, much rather hiding what was going on securly behind the walls around his heart. But Elena knew that there was more to him. He had started opening up to her a bit, he had helped her taking care of Stefan and he stood guard in front of her house almost every night. So why wouldn't he want to talk to her?

Elena raised her hand again and knocked on the door for a second time. She also considered ringing the bell for a second but let the thought pass because she knew that the knock would have been loud enough for him to hear and if he wasn't home or didn't want to open the door the bell wouldn't change anything.

"Come on, Damon, open the door. I know you're home." Elena said in a voice a little louder than a whisper. In truth of course, she didn't know if he was there or not but at least she wanted to make sure he knew it was her.

Before Elena could knock a third time, the door suddendly opened, revealing a very tired looking Damon. It appearance only lasted a second though, then his mask was right back on. He looked at her curiously, checking her out from head to toe and back up again. Elena could see the realization flashing through his eyes before he slowly stepped aside, letting her in.

"What the hell are you doing out of bed at this time of the night? And what were you thinking wandering around town all alone when you know that... _She_ is still out there? Oh right. Sorry I forgot. You probably weren't thinking at all..." Damon said angrily and she could hear the edge in his voice. He turned his back to her and made his way back to the parlor.

"And hello to you, too, Damon." Elena greeted him with a smirk and went after him immediately. "Thanks for being so concerned about my safety."

"Don't be mistaken, Elena. I'm just surprised that someone could actually be so stupid and walk around town in the middle of the night when knowing about what's hiding in the shadows." Damon answered, his voice still rough.

Elena watched Damon as he came to an halt in front of one of the huge windows, staring everywhere but at her. Had she really hoped to make things right between them when Damon behaved the way he did? When Damon didn't make any move to say something, Elena started again.

"Hey, don't call me stupid, okay? I just wanted to see my friend." she tried to explain and looked at him intently.

"But you friend obviously doesn't wanna talk to you, does he? Take a hint, huh?"

"Don't be such an ass, Damon. Why don't..." Elena said but her breath stuck in her throat, as within seconds Damon stood right in front of her, his hot breath stroking her face.

"Calling me an ass? Do you think that's wise?" Damon asked, his eyes on fire. It's been a while since Elena has seen him as angry as he was in that moment. She willed her frantically beating heart to slow down. It wasn't that she was afraid of him but feeling him so close took her off balance for a second.

"I'm not afraid of you." she replied and returned his fiery gaze.

"You really are either very stupid or very brave. Your heartbeat kinda gives you away though, sweetheart." Damon said, his onesided smirk plastered on his face.

"I'm still not afraid of you, Damon."

"Stupid then." Damon came to the conclusion and took a step back, his shoulders relaxing a bit.

"Why are you acting like that? I thought we were friends?" Elena asked, coming right to the point why she was here.

"I decided I don't do the whole friend thing anymore. I just don't have it in me. Sorry, Elena." Damon said, sounding as indifferent as he could. And wouldn't Elena have come to see the man behind his well kept walls, she would have believed every word he said.

"You're a bad liar, you know?" Elena said and took a step closer again, trying to make a point. However, Damon withdrew himself from the situation immediately, going for the table with the bottles of liquor on it.

"Will you ever tell me what really happened that night three weeks ago?" Elena started again.

"You want a drink?" Damon asked, holding a bottle of scotch in her direction and totally ignoring Elena's question.

"No, thank you. So, will you?"

"Will I what?" Damon pretended to not have heard her last question.

"God, Damon. Will you please just stop playing around!" Elena said and let out a heavy sigh. Why did everything always have to be so complicated. Couldn't things ever be easy? She was just so tired of it all.

Probably having seen the distress in her eyes, Damon put the bottle of scotch back down on the table and looked at her. "What do you wanna know? I already told you everything. I heared you scream, I came to your house and saw Katherin come out. And then Stefan was there. Katherin was gone in an heartbeat and Stefan just run after her and was gone as well. End of story."

"Why were you so close to my house that you could hear me scream?" Elena asked curiously.

"I told you. Because I was talking to Jeremy." Damon tried to explain himself without giving away too much.

"Yes, so you said. But about what did you talk to him? He tried to kill himself that night, for God's sake! What did you tell him?" Elena asked and had a hard time to control her nerves as images of a pale Jeremy lying half-dead in his bed showed up in her mind. She had been so close to loosing him and then she never would have been able to make things right again between them. Thank God they reached him right in time, Damon taking him to the hospital without another second of hesitation. The doctors had said he wouldn't have made it through another half an hour.

"What? Are you blaming me now because your heartbroken little brother didn't want to live his horrible life any longer? Where people he cares about lie to him? Where people he loves die around him?" Damon looked at her with shock in his eyes.

"No, Damon, of course I don't blame you. You were the one who saved him, I know that. I just wanna know what happened. Don't you understand that?"

"I told him that Anna had died. I was there to take away his pain. But he didn't want that and so I left. I just wanted to help him." Damon answered truthfully and Elena let out a sigh, being thankful that he finally seemed to talk to her again. She was also very thankful because Damon just admitted that he actually wanted to help another person, proving that he really did care about more than just himself and that she hadn't imagined him changing.

"How is little Jeremy doing, by the way?"

"He's getting there... Slowly but steadily. He still hasn't forgiven me for keeping all those secrets from him. But I'm sure he'll come around. For now, all I want is for him to get better." she explained and sent a little prayer towards whatever power that was out there, to take away Jeremy's pain and to make him love life again.

"How did you know that it was Katherin in the house? How did you know it wasn't me?" Elena started with the next best question that came to her mind, not wanting to think of Jeremy any longer. Plus, Jeremy wasn't the reason why she was here. She was here for Damon and to take care of him and whatever kind of things that troubled him.

"Please, Elena. Can't we just give it a rest?" Damon returned, his voice still cold and rough, but Elena could also hear the slight pleading tone in it. He went over to the couch in front of the fireplace, taking a seat and staring into the fire.

"How could I give it a rest when I don't even know what happened?" she said and didn't even try to hide the desperateness. "Please, Damon?"

"The less you know, the better. For all of us." Damon replied bitterly, seemingly lost in thought.

"Just that one question. I swear I'll never bother you again." Elena tried to persuade him into telling her. She walked the short distance to the sofa that Damon was occupying and took a seat at the far end of it.

"Why do you wanna know? Why does it matter how I knew it was her? I just did, okay? It's just the way it works between a sire and the vampires he or she created." he explained and looked at her for a second, his eyes almost convincing her.

"I know there's more to the whole story. I just don't understand why you don't want to talk to me about it." Elena said and turned her body towards him, sitting cross-legged. She watched him carefully. His whole body seemed to be tense, the muscles in back rippling under the tight black shirt he was wearing. His eyes looked distant, the fire reflecting itself in his ice blue orbs.

"How am I supposed to explain things that even I don't understand?" Damon asked and turned his head in her direction. "I just knew it, okay? There was just something about the things she said, the things she did... She's nothing like you. You're nothing like her. And I just knew. I might have realized it a second too late that night but I did realize it."

"What do you mean, you realized it too late?" Elena asked again, pressing for an answer she knew she'd only get if he was ready to give it.

"You said you'd only ask one more question." Damon reminded her of the things she had just said a couple of moments ago.

"You're really giving me a hard time letting me be your friend. You ever heard that talking about things is better than keeping them all inside?" Elena tried but already knew while saying it, that she wouldn't get anywhere with it.

Damon let out a halfhearted laugh, the sound startling Elena. "You are trying to tell me, an 145 year old vampire, how to deal with things? Don't you think I've learned that somewhere along the way?" he asked and looked at her expectantly. "I am not a child, Elena, nor am I some troubled teenager who isn't able to cope with life. Never forget that."

"I know. I'm really not that stupid. All I want to do is help you. That's why I came. I know that something's bothering you and I wanna help you make it better. If you'd just let me." Elena explained, scooting a little closer to him on the couch. She could feel Damon's gaze upon her while she was moving closer.

"But I don't want your help. I don't need your help, nor anyone else's help. I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself. And I already told you, I'm feeling fine. There's nothing you have to worry about. If that's the only reason why you came by, you can as well just go home and back to bed." Damon replied and turned his attention back to the dancing flames.

"And I already told you that you are a bad liar. You should have seen your face just now. You might think you're hiding it all behind that wall you keep so tightly around yourself... but I know you. I've seen pieces of the real Damon and I know that you're lying to me." Elena said, wanting to try it one last time to break through to him. "But you know, I'm not going to force you into anything. You don't have to tell me what's keeping your thoughts so troubled. All I wanted to do was being a friend to you."

Elena looked at him but Damon didn't even flinch, so she slowly got up from the sofa. "I guess, I'm gonna go then. You know where to find me if you need anything." she said and went up the couple of stairs in the parlor. Damon still didn't move and just kept looking into the fire as if somehow the world would just disappear around him if he would stare long enough. Elena turned around one more time. "You don't have to pretend with me, you know? I'm your friend. I'm not going to hurt you. I'd never turn anything against you and I'd certainly never think any less of you if you showed some weakness every now and then. I just... I want you to know that." she said, before she started making her way over to the entrance door.

"The last time I showed some weakness it nearly ended in a catastrophe." Damon mumbled and Elena, having her back turned towards him, had a hard time catching what he had said.

"Sorry, what did you say?" Elena asked carefully, turning around and looking in his direction. She wasn't sure if he even meant for her to hear it or if he was just talking to himself.

"The last time I showed some weakness it nearly ended in a catastrophe. It almost got you killed. It got your father killed." Damon repeated but still couldn't bring himself to look at Elena, who walked back down the flight of stairs.

"You're not blaming yourself for Uncle John getting killed?" Elena asked disbelievingly.

"Who else is there to blame? Had I been a bit more like myself, I would have realized Katherin was there all along. But instead I had to choose that day to show some weakness. See where it all got us." Damon stated cynically.

"John got what he deserved. Yes, he was my father but he wanted to kill you and Stefan. He knew that I care about the both of you and still he didn't hesitate to do what he did. In the end, I'm just not able to feel sorry for him. And_ you _are the last person who should blame yourself." she said, trying to convince him that it wasn't his fault.

"He was a dick and sooner or later I would have killed him myself for all the things he did to you. And to me and my brother. I would have enjoyed every second of ripping his throat out." Damon replied, hatred slowly creeping its way into his voice. "That still doesn't change the fact that I didn't realize it was Katherin and not you right away. I would have never forgiven myself if anything had happened to you."

"So you do care about more than just yourself." Elena said and smiled at him weakly. She stepped closer to the sofa, her body hovering over his still form.

"You _are_ my friend after all."

"Is that why your standing outside my house every other night?" Elena asked curiously, wanting to know if he did that out of his own accord or if Stefan had ordered him to do so.

"You noticed that, huh?" Damon replied, finally tearing his gaze from the flames and turning it in Elena's direction.

"I kinda did. And I wanted to thank you for it. You made me feel safe those last three weeks. I knew that nothing could happen to me and my family as long as you were there. I owe you a lot."

Damon was quiet for a few moments, his blue eyes searching hers and then lowering his gaze to the ground. Elena saw that he was wrestling for words that obviously didn't want to come. She had never seen him like that. Chipper and witty Damon being at loss for words.

After a few more moments he finally seemed to have found his voice. "Jeremy wasn't the only reason why I stopped by your house that night." Damon started, before taking another pause.

"I also came by to thank you. You saved my life that night. Yeah, I know it was Bonnie but Bonnie did it for you and for that, I wanted to thank you. I'm not the kind of guy who thanks other people. I never was and I never will be. But I felt that it was the right thing to do that night. Because down in that fire? For the first time in 145 years my life actually mattered to me. I wanted to see my brother again. I wanted to see you again. I wanted to safe the town and kill John and Isobel and even Katherin. And thanks to you and Bonnie I was able to do at least the first two things. I will always be greatful for that."

Damon stared into the fire again, his mind working behind his eyes. Being afraid of destroying the moment, Elena kept quiet, knowing that he would tell her more when he was ready. She slowly moved around the couch again, carefully sitting down next to Damon.

"I thought it was you to whom I told all this. But as we all know now, it wasn't you..."

"Tell me about it..." Elena whispered, watching Damon carefully from the corner of her eyes.

"I talked to you, well Katherin to be exact, and with what she said and did she kept me distracted so mucht that I didn't realize that it wasn't you. Jenna interrupted us, telling Katherin to come in. Jenna of course had no idea. How could she, if even I didn't know... I was already on my way back home when I heared you scream. I was running back as fast as I could, grabbing the branch of a tree on the way. I knew that there weren't a lot of things that would make you scream like that... so I wanted to be prepared. The moment I reached your house, I saw her coming out of the door. I heared your sobs from inside the house, while at the same time you were standing right in front of me. And then it hit my like a punch in the gut. I was such an idiot for not realizing it sooner. I could have stopped it all."

Damon took a deep breath. Elena could see how much it cost him to open up to her like that, not having been in a situation like that for a very long time. She didn't want to take herself too important but she doubted that he had a lot of friends out there to whom he could talk to like that. Elena felt something tug at her heart at the thought of Damon having been alone all those decades. It was hard getting to know Damon, true, and when he behaved like a total jerk or run around killing people it was even harder to trust him. But once you look behind all that, once you see the real Damon and understand his thinking you probably couldn't find a better friend. Elena had no doubt that with his strength and loyalty he'd always be there to protect her. Just as Stefan would do. _Whenever he'll come back from his hunt..._

"I've never been more ready to kill that woman as I was in that moment. I was about to jump, when two strong arms held me back. Stefan growled in my ear, wanting to know how I could even think about killing her. I tried to push him off but the remains of the human blood was still in his system and his strength took me off guard."

"He knew it was her?" Elena asked, shock and confusion written all over her face.

"I don't understand how he knew but he did." Damon replied, nodding his head absentmindly.

"He knew it was her and he kept you from killing her?" Elena asked again, disbelief in her voice.

Damon turned his ice blue eyes to Elena and returned her confused gaze. "He was probably just as shocked as I had been. Imagine you see someone again after 150 years, someone you expected to never see again. And then all of a suddend - WHAM - you're face to face with that person. Your brain stopps working, believe me. Even my highly evolved and intelligent brain stopped working. And that's gotta mean something." Damon said, a slow smile spreading across his thin lips. The smile never reached his eyes.

Elena just nodded, the newly discovered information confusing her even more. And that's when she thought she couldn't possibly be more confused after having been left in the dark for those last three weeks. She was glad that Damon finally told her about that night but at the same time she wished it all just wouldn't have happened. She wished that things could go back to normal. That Stefan was there with her, to spend time with her. She missed his strong arms, his soft lips and she missed his calming nature.

"Speaking of Stefan. You haven't heared anything from him by any chance, have you?"

"Stefan is all you ever think of, isn't he?" Damon looked at her, the playfulness that had just started to enter his eyes again was gone. There was also something else, something that looked a lot like hurt, flashing through his eyes, but it was gone within seconds.

"But no. St. Stefan hasn't called or written."

"Oh... okay. I just thought I'd ask." Elena tried to explain, watching as his whole body got tense. Damon withdrew his eyes from her.

"You think I would withhold anything from you?" Damon asked her disbelievingly.

"No, Damon, of course not. I was just worried... that's all." Elena explained, hoping that it would somehow calm him down and that he would understand. She really didn't understand what was happening just then, how the situation could change so quickly. Elena had thought they were getting somehwere.

"You should probably go now. You know the story now. I have nothing more to tell. Thanks for stopping by." Damon replied, getting up from the sofa.

"What? Wait, Damon."

"Good Night, Elena."

"I..."

But he was already gone.

* * *

_A/N: Aaaaaah... Don't we all love a little angst? Don't hope for it to end anytime soon ;-) No, I don't want to scare you away but we have to keep things interesting, don't we? Anyway, this will be D/E all the way in a little while, I promise. Maybe even rather sooner than later if you press the comment button below. Noooo, I'm not blackmailing. NEVER! :-D_

_Which brings me to something else I have to mention: Thank you guys so so much for all your comments on my story! Every single one of them really made my day! I had no idea reviews could make so happy. But they do, thanks to you!_

_Last but not least: I'm looking for a beta reader for my little story here. My old one has kinda gone MIA, so I'm looking for a new one. If anyone would be willing to help I'd be forever greatful!_

_Anything else? Oh yeah: Have you all seen the Nina and Ian pics from the Monte Carlo film festival? Could they be any more hot together? I say NO! They inspire me. It's as simple as that. And I'm gonna stop rambling now. Promise._


	5. Chapter 4

_A/N: This story just turned to a **M** rating. Not as much of an M as it's probably going to get in later chapters but I just want to be on the save side. Don't kill me by the end of the chapter, okay? _

_I also want to take the chance to thank all of you awesome people for giving me feedback on my story! It means the world to me, it really does. It makes me happy and keeps me writing :-) Thank you very much!_

_AND I'm still looking for a beta reader. You're willing? Just let me know and you'd be my hero! And if you're not willing, I'm still very thankful that you're reading my fic :-)_

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**Chapter 4**

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"You'll never get enough alcohol in your system, will you?"

Damon put down the glass of coke and looked up into the face of the local history teacher, Alaric Saltzman. He himself held something in his hand that looked a lot like rum and taking a deep breath Damon's guess was confirmed.

"I'm just drinking a coke." Damon answered with a shrugh of his shoulder.

"Oh, sure. Damon Salvatore just drinking a coke. I can smell the vodka all the way over here." Alaric said, a snorting laughter errupting from his chest.

"Yeah, look who's talking." Damon replied, turning his attention back to his baverage.

"Okay, okay. Mind if I join you?" Alaric asked and pointed to the seat next to Damon's.

"We live in a free country. You can do whatever you want." was Damon's short answer and he couldn't have sounded more indifferent.

"What brings you to this shabby bar at the crack of dawn?" Alaric said and tried to start some kind of conversation.

Damon looked at him sideways, an expressionless smile gracing his lips. "I just wanted to be alone to enjoy the silence and a good drink. Seems like even that isn't going to be granted to me."

"Maybe you'd have more luck with that at home?" Alaric asked, while letting his gaze wander over the last remaining people in the bar. It was almost 5:30 am and there were still people coming in and getting out of the bar.

"Apparently it's not save there anymore either. It sucks that humans don't have to be invited in as well..." Damon mumbled, nearly inaudibly.

"Why would you say that? Did something happen?" Alaric replied alarmed.

"No, of course not. People usually don't come close to our house." Damon explained and took another gulp of his coke with vodka.

"Oh. Okay. For a second I thought there was trouble about."

Damon just shook his head but made no move to say anything further. They sat there in companionable silence for a few more moments before Alaric started talking again.

"It's been awefully quiet those last few weeks in Mystic Falls."

"You wanna complain?" Damon replied, raising an eyebrow at the teacher's statement.

"No, definitely not. I'm just not used to the silence. Not having to hunt down any monsters has definitely its advantages."

"Like getting drunk at 5:30am on a Sunday morning in the most shabby bar in the entire county?" Damon suggested.

"For example, yes."

"Isn't Jenna awaiting you with open arms and legs at home?"

"Hey, some respect please, okay? I didn't do anything to you." Alaric replied with anger in his voice. He watched as Damon raised both his hands in an apologetically manner.

"Oh, come on. Don't be such a wimp, Rick." Damon answerd and took another sip of his drink. "You know that you shouldn't take my words too literally. At least not all of them."

"You sounded pretty serious right there." Alaric said, anger still vibrating in his voice.

"Well, I wasn't. But obviously I touched a sore point, didn't I?" Damon stated but was, to be honest, not really interested in the answer, the topic hitting way too close to the one thing he didn't want to think about.

"I'm sorry to disappoint you, Damon, but you didn't. Jenna and I decided to take things a little more slowly. It hasn't been easy for her with Jeremy's suicide attempt and Elena shutting off the way she does."

_Oh boy. There you go... _Damon emptied his glass and put it down with a loud clang.

"Oh? Is that so?" Damon asked nonchalantly, looking for the bartender. When the blonde woman returned his look, he winked her over to him. She followed his directions like a puppet until she stood right in front of him.

"I get another one of that." he said and shoved the glass in her direction.

"Yeah. Jenna said she wanted to spend a little more time with the both of them. I think she and Elena were doing some kind of movie night tonight. Well, I guess I have to say last night." Alaric explained and looked at the watch around his wrist.

"Distraction sounds like a good idea..." Damon agreed, nodding his head. This conversation really wasn't going in the direction he wanted it to go. Then again, he would have preferred to not talk at all but obviously that wasn't an option either. _Have I really been so bad that I don't even deserve five minutes of peacefulness and silence? This nightmare really has to stop soon... _Pictures of Elena's shocked face seconds before he left her at the boarding house just about an hour ago still haunted his thoughts. Damon knew that he hadn't been fair, that she didn't deserve to be treated like that but the moment his brother was mentioned something in him snapped and he just couldn't stand being near her another second longer out of fear of what he might do to her. Because in that moment he had felt the strong urge to break something, to destroy, a fire burning in him that he hadn't felt in over 140 years. That urge was only surpressed by an even stronger longing: he wanted to kiss her. He wanted to kiss Elena and make her forget about Stefan. He wanted to kiss her so deeply that she would have forgotten how to breath. Damon wanted to kiss her and beg her to be with him because he would give her the world. And as realization had hit him, he just had to get away from that place because he probably would have done all of these things and he would have gotten himself a broken heart.

"Damon?"

"What?" he asked startled and a little irritated.

"I asked you a something." Alaric said, raising an eyebrow in question.

"Sorry. I was just going through all the different kind of possibilities how I could get you to shut up."

"And? What did you come up with?"

"I was about to make a decision between ripping your throat out and getting you so drunk that you'll fall unconsciously off your chair." Damon explained and looked at him, not one muscle in his face twitching.

For a second, Alaric looked at Damon with shock in his eyes, wondering if he would really have it in him to do the first. To not show any weakness, Alaric raised his hand, wiggling his finger with the chunky ring on it in front of Damon's face.

Damon in return let out a loud laugh, slapping his hand against Alaric's back.

"Relax, Rick." he said and laughed again, eying the bartender as she came closer.

"There you go, mister." she said almost mechanically and put the glass in front of Damon.

"Thank you, my dear." Damon answered with a halfhearted smile before the girl turned around and got to work again.

"Have you compelled her?" Alaric asked doumbfounded, shaking his head.

"How do you think I'm able to afford my lifestyle?" Damon replied easily, guilt not to be found in his voice for even one heartbeat.

Ignoring Damon's remark - because Alaric knew Damon wouldn't care about what he had to say anyway - Alaric repeated his question again. "So, coming back to the question I just asked you... Have your heard anything from Stefan? Is Katherin still a threat?"

Damon grabbed the glass in his hand tightly, small crackling sounds that probably only his sensitive ears could hear errupting from it. He had to control everything he had in him not to break the glass or to throw it into the closest corner.

Taking a deep breath, Damon turned his burning gaze to the history teacher.

"No, I haven't heared anything from my dear brother. So yes, I guess Katherin is still a threat. Why does everyone keep asking me that? Don't you think I would tell you if I had any news?" Damon asked, trying to hide the anger behind calmness.

"I'm sorry. I didn't want to anger you." Alaric answered apologetically and smiled at him encouragingly.

"Look, I'm sorry. I'm just so tired of talking about the same thing over and over again. Stefan should have let me kill her when I had the chance to. And all this would have never happened. We could just go on with our lives the way we have before."

"And you really think you would have been able to kill her? The woman you've loved for so long?" Alaric asked carefully, taking a sip of his drink. He was rewarded with another hateful laughter.

"See, that's where everyone's wrong. I don't love her anymore. She disappears for 150 years and doesn't contact me even once? What's there to love? If anyone, it's you who should understand that. And it's been only a couple of years for you." Damon explained and tried to calm his inner turmoil. Even while he said the words, he knew that they were as true as ever. Without a second of hesitation he would have put the stake through Katherin's heart, not even caring what she might have had to say to him. If she had anything to say at him at all.

"Do you think Stefan will be able to kill her?" Alaric wanted to know.

"I have no idea. I'm not my brother. I don't know what he's thinking or feeling. As you know, he's more of the I-suffer-in-silence-kind of guy. What I do know is that Katherin is way older than him. And she feeds on human blood, Stefan doesn't. When it comes down to it, he doesn't stand a chance. But he swears he has a plan, so I guess it all depends on if you trust him or not." Damon said, shrugging his shoulders.

"Do you?" Alaric asked curiously because all he knew was that he wasn't so convinced.

"Trust him? I can only repeat myself. He should have let _me_ kill her when I had the chance. Now he has to see how he'll be able to do it himself."

"Don't sound like you don't care. I know that you do."

"All I care about is that the bitch gets killed. Who does it or how it gets done doesn't matter to me." Damon said spitefully.

Both men were interrupted when the door of the bar opened. Damon could see Alaric's eyes look straight ahead into the direction of the door, his eyes filling with something that looked a lot like lust. Damon only had to take a deep breath, smelling the fragrance of a young woman, to know that she had to be pretty. Slowly he turned his head, letting his eyes wander up and down the girl that had just entered. She was young, probably in her early twenties, tall and had long, red hair. She wasn't the most beautiful woman _but she would do..._

"Perfect. Just what I need. Sorry, Rick. But I have to go now." was all Damon said before he stood up, emptying his glass with one last gulp. "See ya!"

Damon knew that he would regret what he was about to do in the morning. But maybe, just maybe, it would at least stop the hurting for just a couple of hours. He went over to the woman and without having to try very hard - without even having to compell her - the woman went with him willingly.

* * *

Damon opened the door of the boarding house. The woman next to him, he had already forgotten her name again (or had he even asked for it?), giggled and started to unbutton his shirt as soon as they entered. Damon kicked the door closed with one leg, while he kissed the girl passionately. Not as passionately as he probably could but he just had to get her aroused enough so that her blood would get that special kind of taste. He kissed her some more, moving them both in the direction of the stairs that would lead them up to his room.

"Damon?" asked the one voice that he would recognize above all others. The one voice that was inprinted into his head for all eternity.

"Elena?" Damon asked shocked because she was the last thing he had expected to find in his own home after everything that had happened. "What are you..."

"I'm sorry. I waited... Nevermind. I'm really sorry. I didn't want to interrupt." Elena replied and moved past the couple blocking the hallway. She looked tired, Damon thought, and he also didn't miss the hurt and anger, the sadness and the confusion in her voice. _What was she still doing here?_

"I'm gonna go. See you soon. Night, Damon." Elena said curtly and went straight for the door.

"Elena, wait!"

But she was already gone.

"Fuck!" Damon said, kicking against the sideboard angrily. He ran his hand through his hair desperately.

"That's why I'm here, sweetheart." the woman said and winked at him suggestively.

* * *

_And when you move above her, it doesn't feel right. When you push yourself into her tight body, it doesn't feel right. When you look into her hazy eyes, it doesn't feel right. Even when you drink her blood while she's climaxing around you and you let your seed spurt into her, it doesn't feel right._

_And when you wake up a few hours later, you feel more empty and hollow than ever before. The woman in your arms doesn't feel right, your heart doesn't feel right, __**you **__don't feel right. Usually, nights like these where you drunk and slept with women and got new blood in your system always made you forget the world. Nights like these used to leave you spent and energized at the same time. But all you feel that morning is the deep whole in your heart, the aching that leaves you breathless. You can not get out of the bed fast enough, can not take that random woman home fast enough. But you do because you can not stand it for another second. You get disoriented for a second though, having chosen one of the guest room instead of your own because you can't stand the thought of sharing your bed with anyone else except __**her**__ anymore._

_The sad eyes of the woman that you really want show up in your mind and it rips your heart out that you are the reason for that sad look, when all you ever wanted was to __**not **__hurt her. You have no idea how to face another day, another day with her in your life but not at your side and not in your arms._

_

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_

_A/N #2: Wanna make me happy again? All you have to do is hit the button and let me know what you think :-)  
_


	6. Chapter 5

_A/N: Thanks again for all the lovely feedback! You guys ROCK! And also thanks to xobrwneyedgrl93 for beta reading this chapter! Especially because you did it so quickly. You're awesome!_

_Okay, so here is the next installment :) I hope you like it!_

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**Chapter 5**

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Elena let the front door fall close behind her with a loud bang, shutting out the darkness of the night. It's been a long and tiring day for her. When she came back home from the boarding house this morning, sleep of course hasn't been an issue anymore. Elena didn't understand why the encounter with Damon and that woman had shocked and confused her so much.

_Probably because you thought he had changed. _She had only waited for him to come back to set things straight with him. She didn't want Damon to think that she didn't care about him or whatever else he thought that made him leave so quickly. And then he came back with that girl on his arm, half drunk and she just couldn't stand the sight. Elena really thought that he had changed. She wanted him to talk to her if he wasn't feeling right instead of going around, drinking alcohol and seducing innocent women so he could have their bodies and their blood. But she should probably just give up that hope because that's how Damon has always dealt with things and probably always would. She just wished it would be different. And she was the last person who had the right to tell him how to live his life.

"Elena? Is that you?" she could hear Aunt Jenna call. Putting on the best smile Elena could muster, she followed her aunt's voice. Elena went to the kitchen and saw Jenna standing at the stove, stirring something in the pot.

"Yeah, it's me." Elena replied and smiled at her aunt slightly. Jenna turned around only for a brief second, smiling back at her and waving with her free hand. Elena was glad that Jenna turned her attention back to the pot immediately because keeping that smile on was exhausting, even if it was only for a few moments.

"How was your day?" Jenna asked politely, while throwing some herbs into the pot.

"It was okay. I hung out with Bonnie at her place today."

"Oh, that sounds nice. How is she doing?" Jenna wanted to know, looking back over her shoulder to Elena.

"She's doing okay. Things have been a little hectic those last few weeks but we just kind of relaxed today, talked and listened to some music. Perfect way to finish off the weekend."

"That's good. That's really good." Jenna said, stirring some more before tasting the sauce.

"Are you hungry? I'm making _pasta caprese_."

"I'm sorry, but not really, no. I'm so tired I can barely keep my eyes open. I'm just going to take a shower and head to bed then."

"That's okay. I'm going to save some for you and store it in the fridge. You can just eat it tomorrow then."

"Thanks, Jenna." Elena said and was about to leave the kitchen before she turned around again. "How's Jeremy been doing today?"

"He's been sitting with me in the living room for about two hours earlier today. He didn't talk much but kept reading some kind of book. Others than that he just stayed up in his room all day." Jenna explained with a pained look on her face. "I just don't know what to do anymore..."

"You're doing great, Jenna! He'll come around, believe me. You know, he's never been the kind of guy who really talked a lot. Let's just give him a little more time."

"I only want to help him... I couldn't stand the horror again of finding him lying in his bed... half dead..."

"You won't have to. He's not going to do something like that again." Elena said and tried to sound convincing. She had no idea how Jeremy actually could have tried to kill himself and every attempt of her to talk to him, he had dismissed within seconds.

"And you're sure about that?" Jenna asked, sounding not really so convinced yet.

"I don't know what has gotten into him three weeks ago... but I know that it's not like Jer to do something so... drastic. He's not going to try it again. A broken heart needs time to mend but he's strong and he'll come around." Elena said again, her voice a little steadier now.

"Yeah, you're probably right." Jenna said and nodded her head, Elena smiling at her encouragingly. "So... how are the Salvatore brothers doing? Have you heard anything from Stefan?"

"No... No, I haven't. He won't call. He won't text. I don't even know where he is. Damon doesn't really talk to me either... I just want this whole mess to be over. I want Stefan back here with me and I want Damon to be Damon again. But I guess what I want doesn't really matter for once..."

"What do you mean?" Jenna asked carefully, looking at her.

"It's not important... I just really need to go to bed now... Let's talk about it another day, okay? Night, Jenna!"

"Have a good night, Elena!" Jenna replied before she went over to the stove again, finishing the sauce caprese.

* * *

Elena went up the stairs slowly, every move hurting her legs. While walking up, she checked her cell phone again. She had texted Stefan earlier today but he had his phone turned off. Elena had no idea what to think anymore. She just couldn't believe that he didn't have the time to at least call her for three seconds to let her know that he was okay. Elena was sure that he was okay, believing that she would be able to feel it if something happened to him, yet she would feel a lot better if she could just be sure that he was okay.

Beside the worry another feeling kept nagging at the corner of her heart. It was disappointment and also a mild form of anger. She was his girlfriend after all and she deserved that he at least checked in with her every other day. He had to rest every once in a while, didn't he? He could call her then. Or text. Or send a smoke signal, for all she cared. And yet there was nothing. Did he even think of her while running after his ex lover? Elena shook her head, chasing away those thoughts. Of course he thought of her. He loved her, right?

Elena finally reached the top of the stairs and went straight for her room. With her weak arm she grabbed the handle of her door and pushed it open slowly. She would have let out a loud scream, hadn't that strange feeling of calmness immediately washed over her at the sight of the tall, dark figure standing by her window.

"Still walking around alone at night?" Elena could hear the dark, rumbling sound of Damon's voice; he stood stiffly with his back towards her.

"Damon? What are you doing in my room?" she asked surprised, walking into her room and closing the door.

"Going through your things... reading your journal... what a guy does when he's in a girl's room alone." Damon said snarkily.

"How long have you been here? Does anyone know you're here?" she asked and looked over to the small bathroom that connected her and Jeremy's room. His door was closed but she went over and closed hers as well, making sure that no one could overhear their conversation. Whatever Damon had to say to her.

Damon slowly turned around when he heard her close the door and turn on the light. "I've been here long enough. And no one knows I'm here, or do you think your aunt would have asked about me if she knew?" The indifference in Damon's voice and his eyes scared Elena for a second.

"It's not polite to eavesdrop on other people's conversations." Elena stated and moved over to the chair in the corner, slipping out of her jacket and letting it fall down on the piece of furniture.

"It's not my fault if you talk so loudly." Damon replied, shrugging his shoulders.

Elena let out a deep breath. "Okay... so, what are you really doing here?"

Elena watched as Damon seemed to contemplate about what to say to her. What he did say then, she couldn't believe her ears.

"You do not come to my house and make me feel guilty for being there with another woman!" Damon said coldly and walked a step closer to Elena, who looked at him dumbfounded.

"What the hell are you talking about?" she asked disbelievingly.

"I talk about this morning. It's my home. And I can drink as much alcohol and blood as I want. I can fuck as many women as I want. And you do not make me feel guilty for that." Damon said minaciously, moving even closer.

"I still don't know what you're talking about. It's not _my_ fault if you feel guilty for anything. You can do whatever you want, Damon." Elena replied, straightening her back. She didn't want to let him know that she felt slightly uncomfortable having him so close when he was so angry. Though she was sure that her heart would probably give her away. Again. "Besides, I didn't even know you had it in you to feel guilt about something like that."

"Then you shouldn't pretend to know me." Damon said, finally coming to a halt right in front of her.

"I know more about you than most other people. Don't _you_ pretend otherwise!" Elena replied, really getting angry now as well. Elena held his intent gaze, indifference replaced by a fire that she's seen burning not for the first time that evening. She felt herself being sucked in more and more with every second that passed. She felt like an open book to him right in that moment and Elena would have told him anything he wanted to hear had he asked her for it. She couldn't move, she couldn't breathe and what was worse, she didn't even care. All she wanted to do was get lost in those icy blue eyes that made her forget everything she cared about, everyone she loved, made her forget about those last three weeks and everything that troubled her. The knowledge shook her out of her reverie immediately, her cheeks blushing traitorously.

She could see the momentary defeat in his face, and her heartbeat slowed slightly when she saw him retreat and take a step back, that strange connection from seconds ago broken.

"Why the hell were you even still there? I thought we were finished?" Damon asked her expectantly.

"Just because you decided to walk out on me, doesn't mean I was finished talking." Elena answered, shooting an angry look back at him.

Damon didn't seem to have to say anything, something she never thought possible since he _always_ had to say something. But lately she had to keep asking him questions to make him talk and even then it wasn't guaranteed she'd get an answer. "Would you care to explain why you fled from the house so quickly?"

"No. Not really." Damon replied curtly.

"But I'd really love to know."

"Well, then I'm really sorry to have to disappoint you, Elena."

Ignoring his comment, Elena kept talking: "It can't be just the fact that I've asked you about Stefan."

"I really don't want to talk about it, Elena. And you really don't want to piss my off any further, believe me." Damon said warningly.

"Or then what?" Elena asked, not believing that she had really just asked that. What was wrong with her? She knew that Damon would never ever hurt her yet she was still a little afraid of what he might do.

"You really don't wanna know."

"I know you're not going to hurt me. And I can only repeat myself from last night - I'm not scared of you."

A low, grumbling sound erupted from deep within his chest and Elena regarded him carefully as he moved closer again.

"Don't be so sure of yourself. You _never_ know what a vampire's up to. You never know what he's able to do when he looses control." he explained and didn't leave any doubt that he was serious.

"Despite what you think, I know you and I know you're not going to hurt me. What I don't know however is why you walked out on me like that this morning?" Elena tried again, her gaze not leaving his face for even a moment.

"I just had to get away." Damon answered and had no idea how he could explain himself without sounding like a total fool.

"Get away from what?" Elena asked, digging deeper to get to the source of it all.

Damon looked at her, uncertainty crossing his face. Elena watched him taking a deep breath, his eyes wandering to a distant spot beside her head. She could see the words inside him fighting for dominance. When he finally seemed to have decided what to say, his intent gaze focused on her again.

"I don't do friends." Damon said, walking even closer towards Elena. "I don't do talking." Another step closer. "I don't do vulnerable." Step closer. "I don't do thanking. I don't do caring." Another step. "And I do _not_ do guilt." Damon explained, until finally standing right in front of her again, invading her personal space. "And yet with you, suddenly I do all of those things. And I don't like it. Because it makes me weak. And I don't do that either. And above all that it just _hurts. _It hurts like a bitch and I just can't make it stop."

Elena looked at Damon with wide eyes, her biological mother's voice suddenly echoing through her head. _"Because he's in love with you." _she had said all those weeks ago. Elena had never thought about it again until then, and finally everything made sense. But could it really be? He had loved Katherine for 150 years and then all of a sudden he's supposed to be in love with _her_? Damon has never done anything that would make her believe Isobel's words but now everything seemed to have changed.

"Do you want to know what really happened that night?" Damon asked her intently, his eyes boring into hers.

Too shocked from what she thought she had just discovered, she couldn't make herself say yes. She couldn't make herself say no either because she didn't really know what to think at all.

Obviously taking her none-answer as a yes, or just ignoring her none existing reply at all, he leaned in slightly, giving her a chance to back away. "I came to your house to help Jeremy and to thank you. I kissed you on the cheek because I felt like it was the right thing to do... And you didn't reject." Damon almost whispered and Elena could feel his hot breath stroking over her face. She should move, move away from him and this whole situation. But she just couldn't bring her legs to take a step back.

"You looked so surprised and heartbreakingly beautiful... and you just didn't move away... and I was weak and open and I couldn't resist..." Damon kept whispering, his eyes searching hers.

And then all thoughts left Elena's head entirely when she felt Damon's cold lips pressed against hers. His mouth moved deliberately over hers, trying to coax her lips into moving. She was stiff in Damon's arms, his tight grip holding her up. Again she forgot how to think, how to breathe. All she could feel was the fire in his body, the warmth that slowly left him and crept into her, igniting something deep within her. Something Elena didn't know even existed. Something that was about to suffocate her with the sheer pleasure of it. And while she stood there stiffly in Damon's arms, letting him kiss her, the world around her stopped moving and the picture of Stefan that she always carried around in the inside of her head, slowly slipped away.

And just when she was about to give in, to kiss Damon back, the cell phone in the pocket of her pants started ringing.

* * *

_A/N 2: Sooo... Finally some Delena action :) Too much? Not enough? You can let me know when you click the button below! Thank you very much!_


	7. Chapter 6

_A/N: Sooo, here it is, the new chapter. I hope I don't disappoint with it... Because it's my personal favorit chapter so far and that's gotta mean something, right? It would be really kind of you if you'd let me know after reading the chapter :) Thank you! And also a big thanks to everyone who commented so far! It always makes my day :)_

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**Chapter 6**

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Damon watched Elena as she stepped out of his arms, shock and pain and confusion written all over her face. Something pierced at Damon's heart, seeing her like that. Seeing her so vulernable and lost. All he wanted to do was take her back into his arms and make it all better for her. And he wanted to apologize for his unforgivable behaviour. It took Elena at least another ten seconds to finally realize that her cell phone was still ringing.

"Hello?", she asked, her voice breaking with raw emotion. Damon knew fully well that she hadn't kissed him back, yet she still seemed very affected by what they had just shared. He regarded her as she truned her back towards him, the back of her hand stroking over her left cheek.

Damon could hear his brother's voice at the other end of the line. Another wave of guilt washed over him at the thought of what he had just done. Stefan trusted him, he had saved his life and they had both agreed that history won't be repeating itself were Elena was concerned. And what had he done? He had taken advantage of her situation. She cared for him and just wanted to be his friend and he of course had to screw it all up.

Then again, wasn't it Stefan's own fault? He's her boyfriend. He shouldn't leave her like that for three weeks, without so much as calling at least every other day. What the fuck was he even doing? What took him so long? He should just give up and come back home, seeing as he wouldn't be standing a chance against Katherin anways.

Elena was whispering into her telephone, something about love and missing and Damon couldn't stand it another second longer, moving past her and out of the window in an heartbeat.

* * *

What the hell was he doing? Damon didn't want to hurt her, yet he had succeeded in diong just that again. The thought ripped his already shattered heart into even more pieces and he had no idea how he, or anyone, would ever be able to put it back together again. He hadn't even realized how broken he was until he allowed himself to feel again all those weeks ago.

Damon was sitting in the grand, cushioned armchair in the far corner of his room, pondering about what to do. Hours and hours had passed since the encounter in Elena's room. He had watched the moon rise and had watched it set, as sleep just didn't want to come. Afterwards he had watched the sun raise, which was now right above his house, announcing the midday. He hadn't eaten, hadn't drunk, just sitting there doing nothing. Time meant nothing once you were a vampire because you had a whole eternity of it. Sometimes it even was too much, especially when you were feeling like Damon did in that moment.

He looked at the book on the dark coffee table beside him. He had tried to entertain himself by reading Jack London's _Call of the Wild, _trying to get lost in the story that usually always gave him comfort. But it was to no use. Nothing seemed to be able to keep his thoughts on it for more than a couple of seconds.

Damon had thought about going to see Elena again, to apologize for real. Absentmindly, his hand wandered to his face, a finger tracing his lips. Now he finally had what he wanted, the feeling of her soft and gentle lips on his. The feeling was even better than he would have ever anticipated. And now he had to live with the fact that he would never get so close to her again.

That kiss had awakened something in Damon. Not awakened precisely because looking back at it now he knew that it had been there all along. But it had made him aknowledge something that he had been afraid of all this time. Now, he knew without a doubt that he loved her. He loved her with a passion the paled everything in comparision. Even what he had felt for Katherin seemed like a mouse compared to an elephant. Damon needed Elena. He needed her arms around him, he needed her lips on his, he needed to drown in her eyes. He needed her healing light on his bruised soul.

No, he couldn't go to her yet. Time would make her forget that the kiss ever happened and that he had practically told her what she meant to him. Time would heal his wounds. And after some time they could maybe talk about it.

* * *

A week later, Damon still wasn't able to go to her. He wasn't even able to guard her house at night anymore. Katherin hadn't come back those last three weeks, she probably wouldn't come back now. He did stop by once a night, to check if everything was okay, before he went to some bar, where he spent the rest of the night drinking.

It was a late Tuesday afternoon when Damon decided that he had to get out of the house. He couldn't stand sitting around any longer and getting some fresh air sounded like a good idea to him. He wasn't the kind of guy who took walks but he knew a place where he wanted to be, a place that might give him some comfort.

Five minutes later, Damon was clad in his black leather jacket and on his way. He went straight for the garage, his blue convertible safely stored in the corner. Since the sun was shining brightly, he opened the deck of his car, before jumping into it and starting the engine. The music started playing automatically, dulling the sounds of everyday's life around him. Seeing as he didn't really care about speed limitations - he would just compel any police officer that might stop him - the drive to his destination was over in no time.

Parking the car in a safe distance, Damon could already hear the splashing sounds of the little waterfall hitting the lake. Immediately a feeling of familarity and comfort flooded through him, while he made his way through the trees to the water. But there was something else as well, a warm feeling in the pit of his stomach that brought all his senses to overload. The same kind of feeling he always felt whenever _she_ was around. But that was impossible, wasn't it?

Damon walked slowly through the trees, enjoying the sun and the warmth and the sounds of nature, branches and leaves crackling under the soles of his shoes. When he finally stepped into the sunlight at the edge of the waterfall, a beautiful sight played out before him. The sun reflected itself on the tiny lake, making the surface sparkle like a million diamonds. The trees around it stood green and tall, some of their branches hanging so low that they gently touched the water.

And there, at the far end of the lake under one of the huge oak trees, Damon saw her sitting. Had his heart been beating, it would have stopped right that second. Instead he couldn't take his eyes away from her, her long and dark hair falling around her shoulders like curtains. Her back rested against the tree trunk, her eyes closed in concentration, letting the sunrays caress her face. Damon could see the journal laying in her lap, her right hand holding the pen that she kept batting against the page. She looked like an angel. His angel. _His salvation._

Fate was a bitch and Damon wanted to kick its ass. Would his battered soul never find peace? He had come to this place to find some comfort but would he find comfort now? He should probably leave and let her be, but he couldn't bring himself to move. And while he stood there, watching her like some creepy stalker her eyes suddendly snapped open, looking directly his way.

They stared at each other over the lake, so many uncertainties, so many unspoken words and feelings floating between them. Again Damon thought that he should leave. He wasn't ready yet to talk about his feelings, to confide his soul in her. And again, he couldn't make himself move. Because every step he took brought him closer to Elena instead of farther away, until finally, he stood in front of her, looking down at her with an intent gaze.

Wordlessly Damon sat down beside her, watching Elena as she closed her journal and put it back into her bag. Neither knowing what to say, they both just sat there for several minutes, staring over the lake.

"You haven't been around my house those last couple of nights." Elena finally said after another moment. Damon tore his gaze away from the waterfall and looked at her questioningly.

"Aww, don't tell me you missed me!" Damon said jokingly with a slight smile on his lips, but even to him it just didn't feel right. He really wasn't in the mood for joking, didn't want to scare her off with his usual behaviour. So before Elena had chance to reply anything, he continued:

"How did you know that?" he asked a little more serious, acutally a little surprised that that would really be Elena's first words to him after everything that happened.

"I..." Elena started, looking back at him for a second but then broke the gaze.

"I could always somehow feel that you were there when... when I awoke in the middle of the night."

Damon was a little shocked by her honest words but at the same time he was beyond thankful that she still trusted in him, still talked to him openly. God only knows, he didn't deserve it.

"Why do you wake up in the middle of the night?" Damon asked with concern in his voice.

"I'm having nightmares. Ever since the night Katherin attacked... she shows up in my dreams. Every. Freaking. Night." Elena explained, not able to look back at him yet.

Damon eyed her from the corner of his eyes and wanted to kick his ass for not having noticed earlier just how sad and exhausted she looked. All this time he had only cared for himself, cried about his broken heart, drowned in self-pity. But not once had he actually asked her how she was dealing with the whole situation. Katherin had killed her biological father, Jeremy had tried to kill himself (and who knows what it might do to her if he told her that Jeremy only wanted to turn himself into a vampire), and her boyfriend left her for four weeks and barely gave any sign of living. And he, the selfish little bastard that he was, had failed her as well. She saw him as a friend and he had disappointed her. He was lucky she still even talked to him.

"God, I'm so sorry, Elena." Damon said honestly, looking at her directly now.

"For what? It's not your fault when I'm not able to deal with my fears..." she replied, slowly turning her eyes back to him and for the first time Damon could see the deep sorrow in them.

"I'm sorry for being such a crappy friend to you. I should have been there, instead I went all psycho on you."

"You don't have to apologize. You couldn't have done anything for me..." Elena said, looking sadly at him.

"A good friend of mine told me once that talking is better than keeping it all inside." Damon answered, again surprised at how openly they could talk to each other, as if nothing had ever happened between them. Wasn't she at least a tiny little bit mad at him? Not, that he wanted to complain, but he just couldn't believe that she would let him off the hook so easily.

"There's nothing really to talk about... I guess I just need a little more time... and for that mess to finally come to an end." she said and sounded so helpless that it physically hurt Damon. And there he thought she looked like a damsel in distress when he pulled her out of her car after she ran away from Stefan. It was nothing compared to how she looked at him now.

"What are you dreaming about?" he wanted to know, scooting a few inches closer to her, not leaving her eyes once. She didn't seem to mind, so he relaxed himself.

"This and that... But she's always there. And sometimes she kills John again. Sometimes she kills Stefan. And sometimes she kills you or Jeremy or all of you guys." she explained, whispering carefully as if it might become true if she talked any louder.

"It's just dreams, Elena. She'll never hurt you again." Damon promised and he sounded almost convincing.

"What if she comes back?"

"I'm not going to let anything happen to you or your family. And Stefan will see to it that she _doesn't _come back." he said with more insistence.

"Does he even stand a chance against her?" Elena asked, not believing her own words.

"Hey, you should put a little more faith into your boyfriend." Damon replied, trying to not let the hurt of mentioning Stefan reach his voice.

"It has nothing to do with trust. I'm just being realistic here. Do you trust him?"

Damon looked at her, thinking about what to say. He didn't want to scare her any further by being honest with her but at the same time he couldn't really lie to her either. He didn't _want_ to lie to her.

Before he could say anything however, Elena jumped in.

"Don't bother. That second of hesitation is answering my question well enough." she said, her shoulders sacking in a little, hope leaving her.

"He's strong, he's intelligent and he's very determined. That might be enough to beat her." Damon said seriously and hoped to make her feel better. "Speaking of Stefan... How's my little brother doing?"

"How would I know? I haven't heared from him in over a week." Elena replied bitterly, Damon being surprised that she could acutally be so angry. "When he called last Sunday..."

Damon's whole body stiffened at the mention of last Sunday and he held his breath, trying to calm his nerves.

"When he called last Sunday he only said that he didn't have time to talk but that he was close to being finished. He said he'd be back soon and that I shouldn't worry." Elena said, still sounding angry but confused at the same time. "I just don't know what to think anymore. I don't know what to feel or what to do. And I don't want to feel worried all the time anymore either. It's just so damn exhausting." she finished and let herself fall back against the tree trunk.

It broke Damon's heart to not being able to do anything for her. He wanted to hug her, to hold her in his protective arms close to his body, to promise her that everything would be just fine. But Damon also didn't want to scare her, so he closed the small distance between them only with his right arm instead of his whole body. His hand reached for hers, giving it a tight and encouraging squeez. At the contact, a bolt shot right through him, up and down his whole body and it made him take a deep breath. He let go of her hand immediately, looking at her with wide eyes before breaking the intense gaze.

For a moment, there was silence between them, the splashing sounds of the water the only sound to be heared. Damon let his eyes wander over the lake and the trees, thinking back to a time when he sat there with his brother, only a few feet away from where he was sitting now with Elena. It was here where he declared to Stefan that he would rather die without Katherin than become a vampire. It was also here were he did become a vampire after all, Stefan making him drink from that innocent young woman. Damon had hated him for that for many decades before finally coming to terms with it. Had he died back in the days, he never would have met Elena and that thought made him feel sick to his stomach.

"Damon?" Elena said carefully, pulling him out of his thoughts. Damon looked sideways at her, signaling that he was listening.

"Is it true, what Isobel said?"

Damon's breathing stopped alltogether. Not that it was acutally necessary for him to breath anyways, it was just a habit that he had come accustomed with, just for the benefit of blending in with humans. He looked away from her again, staring at the trees across from him, watching as the sun slowly began to set behind them. _Fuck. Think, you idiot! You brought yourself in that situation now see how you get yourself out of it! _Damon had no idea what to do, what to say. He just wasn't ready for this. He might never be ready for this again, his heart like a box with millions of pieces of a puzzle in it.

Damon looked back at her helplessly, begging her with his eyes to not make him answer that question. Moments passed, it might have been hours, but Elena didn't seem to understand, or didn't_ want _to understand. Either way, he had to say something to get himself out it. He was the master of indifference, he could do it. Damon thought about what to say for another couple of seconds, before he cleared his throat to steady his voice.

"Isobel doesn't know a thing about me. Nor about Stefan or Katherin or you for that matter. She has no idea what she was talking about that night." he finally replied and looked directly at Elena, his face blank. Damon held her gaze as she probably tried to figure out what his answer meant. He hadn't lied to her when he said, that Isobel had no idea. Because it wasn't just that he was in love with the woman in front of him. Damon loved her with everything that he had in him, he trusted her more than life itself, and he would give his life for her without hesitating. What he felt for Elena would never be able to be described in words because those words probably would have to be invented first and Damon shook his head because of how cheesy that thought had just sounded. But it was the truth, just as he was telling Elena the truth.

Elena didn't seem to want to push the issue any further, either having figured it out by herself or just not wanting to put him under any more stress - or maybe both.

They both just sat there in silence again, neither the one nor the other feeling the need to say something in that moment. It wasn't until the sun set entirely behind the trees, illuminating the lake into a dark light and cooling the air off, that they broke out of the silence. Elena was only wearing a dark red tshirt and she began shivering slightly.

"It's late. I should probably get you home before you catch a cold." Damon said, getting up from the ground and holding his hand towards her to help her up. She looked up at him with those brown, trusting eyes, before grabbing his hand and letting herself being pulled up by him with ease.

Elena came to an halt right in front of him, their bodies almost touching. Damon could feel her still holding on to his hand, while her eyes bore into him. Whenever she did that, it felt like she put a spell on him, since he wasn't able to look away from her. But he needed to, he needed to put some distance between them before he lost control again and destroyed everything they both had rebuilt that day. But he couldn't move. And she _didn't_ move. Instead she looked at him, trying to find something in his eyes and if he didn't pay attention she would find _everything_.

"I..." Damon stammered, finally taking a step back and pulling his hand out of hers. "We really need to leave..." _before I kiss you. _Damon finished inside of his head. _And make you mine. _That darker part of him, the part of him that always got what it wanted, the part that hungered for her, added.

"You're right." Elena agreed, nodding her head. She put her arms around herself, trying to keep herself warm. Damon shrugged out of his black leather jacket, still warm from the sunrays constantly shining down on it.

"Here." he only said and put the jacket tightly around her shoulders. "I'll give you a ride. My car's right over there." Damon pointed into the direction of the waterfall.

They started their hike around the lake, as it was becoming darker by the second. Damon walked around the trees and over the roots with ease but totally forgot that Elena didn't have the ability to see in the darkness. He was painfully reminded of it, when Elena stumbled and fell against his back from behind, Damon turning around quickly to break her fall. He helped her steady herself but didn't let go of her hand when she was standing on both her feet securely again.

"Here, let me lead you." Damon said and started walking again, a little slower now so she would be able to keep track. After that, a "careful" or a "this way" was the only thing that was said on their way back to Damon's car.

About twenty minutes later, they finally reached his blue convertible. He quickly closed the deck, since it would be way too cold now to drive with it being open, especially for Elena. He opened the door for her and let her in, before getting into the car himself.

* * *

"You wanna come inside for a little while?" Elena asked when he stopped the car in front of her house and turned off the engine.

"I don't know if that's such a good idea..." Damon replied, being torn between really wanting to spend a little more time with her and getting as far away as possible, as quickly as possible.

"Just for a few more minutes? I have to give you something." her voice sounded almost like begging and how could he deny that? Selfish and weak as he was, he just couldn't come up with any more reasons right now to stay away from her. Even though he'd probably regret that decision pretty soon.

"Okay... I guess I have a few more minutes." Damon agreed and gave her his onesided smile, that for once even reached his eyes.

They both got out of the car and made their way over to her house. Elena hoped that Jenna would be in her room already so that she wouldn't notice that they had a guest and to her relief there was no sign of her aunt.

"She's upstairs, snoring." Damon noted at seeing her straining her ears.

"Oh, okay." she replied and went up the stairs, Damon following her closely. _Why the hell was she taking him to her room? That was so not a good idea..._

Reaching her room, Elena turned on the light and made room to let him in as well. She hadn't really cleaned up her room in a few days but she didn't really care. Damon probably wouldn't mind either.

"Looks like the battlefield of Willow Creek in here." Damon said jokingly, trying to lighten up the mood a little, after all the serious talks that afternoon.

"Haha." Elena replied dryly, but a small smile crept across her lips nonethless. "That's what I call an organized chaos."

"Elena Gilbert, were you just joking?" Damon asked, sounding suprised.

"Yes, Damon Salvatore, I was just joking. Don't sound so surprised, you're not the only one to constantly crack jokes."

"Oh, you wound me. I thought I had a monopoly position on it." Damon replied, holding a hand over his heart. They held each other's gaze for a few seconds, before Elena turned away and headed for her nightstand. She grabbed the book that was lying there and handed it to him.

Damon looked down at the brown leather cover, black letters reading "Grimm's Fairytales".

"I kinda stole that from your house a couple of weeks ago. I finished reading it a few days ago and thought that I should probably return it to you." Elena explained, looking apologetically at him for taking something without his or Stefan's permission. She knew that both of them probably wouldn't care but it wasn't really like her to just take things.

"Oh... I already wondered where the book went." Damon said absentmindedly, still staring at the cover. "It's been my mother's... she used to read from it to Stefan at me, when she brought us to bed... It's one of the few things of her that we still own..."

"I'm sorry. I didn't know... I would have never taken it without asking for your permission."

"Don't worry, it's okay. I know it was in good hands." he assured her, looking up from the cover and smiling at her. "If I would trust anyone with it, it's you."

Damon watched Elena, as she pulled off his jacket and threw it on the bed. After that she went for the window and opened it, letting in some fresh air. She roamed about the room for another few moments, putting some of her clothes away to make her room look more presentable.

"I should probably go now. It's really getting late and you have to go to school tomorrow." Damon said and pointed with his thumb towards the door. Elena just watched him as he grabbed his jacket from her bed and made his way for the door.

He looked back at her one last time. "We'll all get through this together." he assured her, smiling at Elena encouragingly. "Have a good night, Elena." he turned around and had just grabbed the handle of the door, when her pleading voice stopped him.

"Damon?"

Damon turned around, his eyes on her. "Yes?"

"Would you... would you please stay here tonight?" she asked, her voice barely above whispering. He heared her clearly nonethless.

"What?" Surprise echoing through it.

"Would you please stay here tonight? I'm... I'm so tired... and I just wanna feel safe again for a night." Elena explained, the pain and exhaustion back in her face and her whole body.

Damon didn't know what to say. The same fight from just a few minutes ago right back on. He shouldn't stay with her, he knew it wouldn't be good for him or his soul. But he was her friend and for once he wanted to do something for her. This friendship wouldn't work if he was the only one doing the taking all the time, but never giving.

So instead of saying anything, he just nodded, hanging his jacket over the back of the chair beside her dresser. He took a seat on it and tried to get comfortable for the night. Damon must have totally lost his mind for actually doing something like that and he couldn't really believe himself. This was so unlike him, yet he probably shouldn't be surprised. Because he was doing it for _her._

Elena left him sitting there alone for a few moments, disappearing in the tiny bathroom to speed-brush her teeth and changing into her pajamas. She was back within minutes, looking way too good in simple black, plaid pants and a white tank top.

She crawled into her bed, lying her cellphone and to Damon's big surprise her vervain necklace on the nightstand, before she looked at Damon.

"You... I mean... It's not necessary... If you don't mind..."

Damon raised an eyebrow at her. "Look at that. Someone's getting nervous because she's having a boy in her room?" he said, winking at Elena.

"What I wanted to say is that you don't have to sit over there all night. My bed is big enough for two." she said and scooted to the left edge of the bed, making room for Damon.

_Not a good idea. Really really not a good idea. _Would it be selfish to stay on the chair all night, pretending that it was way more comfortable than it looked? Or would it be selfish to just go over to her bed, lay down with her and enjoy the closeness? He had no idea and since no one would probably answer that question for him, he just followed his instincts.

He got up from the chair, walking over to her bed slowly and sitting down. He pulled off his shoes, before making himself comfortable on her bed. He stayed on the covers, resting his head against the headboard, keeping himself half-sitting, half-lying on her bed.

Damon looked over at Elena, who lay down and rolled herself into her covers, moving closer in his direction. He had no idea if it was accidental or if she was doing it deliberately, but only when her head touched his shoulder did she finally stop moving, probably having found a comfortable position.

When he looked down, Elena already had her eyes closed, letting out deep and even breaths. She really did look comfortable and Damon prayed that for once the nightmares would just stay away. Elena opened her eyes, smiling thankfully at him. "Good night, Damon."

"Good night, Elena." _Tonight you'll be safe._ he finished silently.

Elena scooted just a tiny little closer after that, the warmth of her cheek creeping through Damon's dark shirt. The feelings he was feeling right that second topped everything he has ever felt before. He had no idea that after living for over 150 years, there could still be something surprising him in this world. But where Elena was concerned, nothing seemed impossible. And that thought excited and scared him at the same time.

Just when Damon thought she had finally fallen asleep, he could hear her murmer something.

"Thank you, Damon, for being a fr..." Elena began, as Damon went rigid. _Please, don't say friend, please. I beg you, for once, make the pain stop. _And as if hearing his thoughts, she corrected her self:

"... for being _you_."

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_A/N2: I don't wanna sound desperate by begging you again to let me know what you think about the chapter. Sooo... (*cough*lemmeknowplease*cough*) I won't beg you ;-)_

_And I'm going through serious TVD withdrawl. I know almost all episodes by heart now. And I only just realized that we still have to go through a lot of weeks without TVD *sigh* Good thing there's fics, right? _


	8. Chapter 7

_A/N: I'm sooooooo so sorry for having kept you waiting for so long. I have a good excuse: work. Well, it's not a good excuse... but it's all I've got. During the last three weeks I finished my training as a banker and the studying for the finals kept me busy. After that, I immediately started working at a restaurant, which kept me really busy as well. _

_This chapter turned out entirely different than I intended it to. But when I noticed that I would be able to finish the chapter before I go on holidays tomorrow and I really wanted to update to let you know that I'm still alive and that this story will in fact be continued I decided to to some changes. The thing I started with at the end of this chapter will now get its own chapter. Or maybe even two? We will see ;-) I'm done rambling now. Enjoy the chapter and if you liked it, I'd be forever thankful if you'd leave me a comment :-)_

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**Chapter 7**

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Elena awoke early the next morning, feeling strong and well-rested for the first time in a very long time. No nightmare and no waking up in the middle of the night with a frantically beating heart. Instead, all she felt was peace and safety. And when those few moments beween sleeping and awaking, where your mind is hazy and you don't quiet know where your dream ends and reality starts, when those few moments passed, images of the evening and especially of the night of the day before flooded Elena's head.

And after that, it only took seconds to realize why Elena was feeling the way she did when she felt him under her and around her. They had somehow ended up with her head on his chest, her arm draped over his chest and his arm securely wrapped around her body.

Elena's eyes snapped open, looking up at Damon's face. His eyes were closed, deep and even breaths left his slightly opened lips while sunrays stroked his angelic face. More momories hit her, with a force she had never experienced before.

Memories of him kissing her and how her heart was about to explode in her chest right that moment because it had felt so damn good and so damn right, when it was anything but right. What was worse, sometimes she even believed, Damon had done something to her. Whatever she did, all she could feel was the soft press of his lips on hers. The harder Elena tried to remember Stefan's lips the more she felt Damon's.

Memories of not seeing Damon and not hearing from Stefan in over a week and how cut off from that side of her life she had been. She needed them in her life, she needed them both and what that might mean scared the hell out of her. Elena very well knew that she had acted selfish when she had asked Damon to stay the night but as much as she wanted to make herself regret it, she just couldn't do that.

Elena closed her eyes again, relishing in the feeling of secureness and in that one single moment on a Wednesday morning, Elena never wanted to leave Damon's arms again. She knew that he could break her in two in the blink of an eye but the gentle way that he was holding her blasted away a tiny little piece of her already cracked heart.

_"As long as you have a Salvatore on each arm, you're doomed. Katherine was smart, she got out. But we all know that you are not Katherine." "'Cause he's in love with you." "Doomed..." "In love with you..." _Isobel's words echoed through her head again, over and over. But could Elena really believe her words? Why shouldn't she be able to have them both in her life? The one her boyfriend, the other her good friend? _"Cause he's in love with you..." _Damon wasn't in love with her, was he? He had told her that Isobel had no idea what she was talking about and he had also told her that he didn't even do friends, so now he was supposed to be in love with her? _That's impossible... _But he _was_ there every night to protect her house and herself, he _did_ kiss her a week ago and he _did_ stay the night with her so she could sleep in peace. That had to mean something, didn't it? _"In love with you..." _If he were any other guy, she would have believed her biological mother's words without a second of hesitation. But this was Damon they were talking about. I-hate-the-world-Damon. I-don't-do-friends-Damon. I've-been-helplessly-in-love-with-Katherine-for-over-150-years-Damon. _"... in love..." _It was impossible. _ But the looks... the kiss... his arms around her... _Elena felt more confused than she had ever before. _"... love..." _But then again, what did it even matter if Damon loved her? Her heart already belonged to his brother. _"Doomed..."_ She loved Stefan. He was her safe heaven, he was solid as a rock, he kept her grounded. She would have to be stupid to give that up for anyone else, especially someone like Damon. _"You're doomed..." _No, she could never do that. But why did she ask him to stay with her then? In her bed? If he really was in love with her, it would have been even more selfish than she had thought. _"... Salvatore on each arm... doomed..."_ And even if he wasn't, it was still very selfish of her, since he probably had better things to do that keep her company all night long. _"But we all know you are not Katherine..." _Elena could feel a stinging pain in her heart at the thought of being compared to Katherine. Could Isobel really be so sure about Elena not being like Katherine? She was lying in bed with Damon while Stefan tried everything to protect her and her family and his brother and all of Mystic Falls.

Elena groaned silently, the onslaught of thoughts in her head giving her a headache. No, she wasn't like Katherine. She loved Stefan and she deeply cared for Damon, but he was only a very good friend. Nothing more and nothing less. The things she had felt when Damon had kissed her, the things she was feeling again just now lying there in his arms were only caused by momentary confusion and as that would be over soon.

"It will be over soon..." Elena said to herself. "It will all be over soon... But for five more minutes, I just want to stay right here." She closed her eyes, took a deep breath and only just then realized how tense her whole body had been, so she treid to relax herself.

"Are you done thinking now?" Elena could suddendly hear Damon's dark, rumbling voice just when she had willed her head to stop working. There wasn't any trace of sleep in his voice, so Elena's eyes snapped open, looking up at him. His ice blue eyes were fixed on her, no sleep in them either. If Elena was honest, she couldn't see anything at all in them. No familarity, no burning fire, nothing.

"You don't have to overrate this whole situation." Damon said nonechalantly, loosening his thight grip around her body. Instinctively, Elena moved even closer into his embrace.

"How did you..." Elena said with shock in her eyes, her hand reaching to the place on her neck where usually her necklace hang. "How do you know what I was thinking?"

Damon chuckled at first but then grew serious again. "Don't worry, Elena. I really do consider you a friend. I would _never_ try to get into your head." Damon returned Elena's shocked look with a light smile. "You're way too easy to read anyways, vervain or not." he continued and winked at her.

"Oh, I am now, am I not?" Elena returned but couldn't hide the smile in her voice. "Then do tell me what exactly I was just thinking."

"You were thinking how hot and irresistible I am and how I should loose some clothes and never leave your bed again." Damon played along, his lopsided grin plastered on his face.

Elena turned slightly and lifted her head, looking disbelievingly at him while slapping her hand against his chest. "You are impossible." she said accusingly and before she could pull her hand away, Damon grabbed it and held it tightly over his not-beating heart. _The_ look was back in his eyes immediately and Elena could feel how her world stopped turning again, while all she could do was stare back at him. It could have been seconds, or maybe hours, before Elena finally had the strength to pull her eyes away from his, before she finally had the strength to leave the safety of his arms.

"I should probably get ready. School starts in an hour." Elena noted after having looked at the clock on her nighstand. She watched Damon as he sat up, stretching his arms. He reached for his shoes and put them on, before getting off the bed.

Elena was still sitting on her bed, looking up at Damon. "Thank you, Damon. I really appreciate what you did for me. I haven't slept like that in a very long time. It felt really good." she said honestly and hoped that Damon would believe her.

"You're welcome, Elena." Damon replied, nodding his head in a serious manner. Seconds later, the expression on his face changed, replaced by a mischievous glance. "Give me a call whenever you need a pillow again." he said, the smile growing even bigger.

"A nice day to you, too!" Elena said, rolling her eyes and waving her hand, a half grin gracing her lips. Damon obviously took the clue and went over to her window, opening it slowly.

"Bye, Elena." Damon only said, looking back at her one last time before jumping out of the window.

* * *

Elena didn't talk to Damon the following Wednesday, nor the following Thursday. She didn't talk to Stefan either but she started to get used to it and wasn't really suprised anymore when she didn't find a text message or a call on her cellphone.

During the day, she kept herself busy with school and studying and hanging out with her friends. But at night, the nightmares were back. Katherin haunted her, chased her, killed her. She also killed Stefan and Damon who both tried to protect her. When Elena woke up, her sleeping shirt was drenched in sweat, her heart beating as loudly as a drum. But it took only moments before that calming feeling washed over her, assuring her that _he_ was there.

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Elena couldn't wait for the school bell to finally ring on Friday afternoon. She felt tired and exhausted again, the weeks seeming to get longer and longer. When it finally did ring at 2:15pm, Elena couldn't throw her history book into her bag fast enough, before she said her goodbyes to Bonnie and Caroline and left the building.

The sight that greeted her then made her heart jump involuntarily. There Damon sat, on a black Harley Davidson, himself clad all in black as well. The sun was shining down on his dark hair, making it shine. All Elena could do was stand there and stare at him. He looked like a God, directly sent down from heaven. He must have felt her presence, or just someone staring at him because he suddendly turned his head around, took off his sunglasses and smiled at her slightly.

Before Elena could embarrass herself any further by just standing there, staring at him, she went over to Damon quickly, a smile on her face as well.

"You need a ride home, miss?" Damon asked, motioning with his head behind him, with a mischivious glint in his eyes.

"That would be very kind of you, sir." Elena played along, trying to hide her smile. She watched him as he made room for her on the bike. Elena climed up behind him and got comfortable on the seat.

"I didn't know you owned a bike." Elena noted, her mouth close to Damon's ear. She felt him turn rigid for a second before he relaxed again.

"Well, until two hours ago, I didn't. But then I thought that if I wanted to get a hot chick I had to get even coller than I already am and get a bike. And see how that works out. I already have the first girl on it." Damon explained in a serious tone how only he could do it but she knew that he was only teasing her. He seemed to be in an awefully good mood that day.

"Are you implying that I'm a "hot chick" then?" Elena wanted to know and punched him with her left fist playfully in his back. She knew that it wouldn't hurt him, she would probably hurt hersel even more in the attempt to hurt him.

"Ouch. Now I can't drive because you broke my spine. Here I am, trying to be nice and saving you the trouble of walking home. And how do you thank me? You paralize me."

"Ha ha. Don't be such a baby, Damon!"

"And she keeps hurting me." he mumbled, still loud enough for her to hear it though. Before either of them could say any more, Damon turned on the engine and let it howl.

"Hold on tight, my lady." Damon said warningly, his head turned slightly towards her.

Not hesitating, Elena wrapped her arms tightly around Damon, feeling immediately safe. She knew that Damon would keep her safe, no matter what happened, even if it was something as simple as driving a bike.

And while they both drove away in high speed they didn't see the suspicous looks of Caroline and Bonnie, who were standing at the entrance of the school.

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"Elena?" Damon asked, turning his head around so Elena would be able to hear him above the loud noise of the wind around their ears.

"Would you please keep looking at the street!" Elena replied immediately, warning in her voice. As much as she trusted him in this, she really wanted to be alive a little while longer.

"Hey. I can drive a bike. Trust me!" he answered and sounded as reassuringly as he could.

"It's not you I don't trust, it's the other drivers."

Damon was quiet for a moment, looking straight ahead again. "Is someone awaiting you at home?" he wanted to know.

"No, why?"

"You up for a little road trip? I'd say it's time for another little time-out."

"You want tot kidnap me again and take me to some shabby bar in Georgia?" she asked mockingly.

"No, this time it'll be totally consensual. And we won't go that for this time. Just a little driving around." Damon suggested and for a moment Elena thought she could hear hope in his voice. Not thinking about it or anything else, for once shutting off her head, she decided to just agree.

"Sure, why not. Sounds like a great idea to me."

"Awesome. Damonator will make it worth your while." Damon said, sounding dead serious again but he couldn't conceal the joy in his voice.

"Damonator?" Elena asked disbelievingly, raising an eyebrow at his comment.

Instead of answering, Damon threw his head back and let out a loud and heartfelt laughter. Elena had never heard him laugh like that and in that moment it was the most beautiful sound she had ever heard and she just couldn't stop herself from joining him in his laughing.

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_A/N 2: So, like I said. This little road trip won't be squeezed in into this chapter but will get its own chapter. Let us give them some fun before all the drama starts, won't we? Anyways... I'll be on holidays for two weeks now. I'll take my laptop with me to be able to write but I won't have internet access... So the next update will take two weeks. But I hope I'll be able to get a couple of chapters done during these weeks so that you won't have to wait too long when I get back :)_

_And noooooo, I'm not gonna remind you that it'd be really awesome if you could leave me some feedback ;-) Thanks! You guys are the best!  
_


	9. Chapter 8

_A/N: Thank you guys so much for the feedback and for wishing me fun on my holidays. I had a great time and it was very inspiring... So the next chapters should be up soon ;) I wrote an A/N back when I finished this chapter, you'll find that one at the end. Just my usual ramblings of course *lol*_

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**Chapter 8**

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Damon had a hard time paying attention to the street when he felt Elena's small arms wrapped around his torso. Her whole upper body was tightly pressed against his back and he could feel her frantically beating heart against his spine. They had been driving around for over three hours, and while Damon knew the surrounding area of Mystic Falls like the back of his hand, right then he had trouble remembering which way to go. _No need to tell Elena that, you don't wanna scare her any further..._

"I said I knew how to drive this thing. Relax, Elena." Damon said loudly so that Elena would hear him. To make things easier, he also reduced the speed he was driving and for the first time he was really able to take in his surroundings. When at first the trees were rushing by them, they now stood tall around and in front of them, occasionally seperated by wide fields of grassland and flowers.

"Who said I wasn't relaxed?" Elena answered close to his ear and her hot breath sent goose bumps down his spine.

"Oh, I understand. Your heart is only beating so fast because you're all wrapped around a hot guy like me. Sorry for the accusation!"

Damon waited for an answer or at least another punch in the back because that seemed to be the way how she articulated herself lately when she didn't know what to say. That Damon didn't feel anything remotely close to pain when Elena did that didn't seem to matter to her.

"You're impossible, Damon, I hope you know that." Elena noted at last.

"And you keep hurting my feelings, I hope you know_ that_." Damon replied, turning his head towards Elena and showing her his loopsided grin.

"How is it that you're in such a good mood today? Did anything happen?" Elena wanted to know, loosened her grip around his stomach and put her right hand on his head to turn it straight ahead again, before wrapping her arms around him again.

"How could I not be in a good mood? I've bought myself an awesome motorcycle, there's total freedom ahead of me and a _hot chick_ behind me. What more could a guy want?"

This time he really was rewarded with a punch in the back and all he could do was chuckle at the soft touch.

"You know, sometimes you're really just... such a guy."

"Really? Only just sometimes? I guess I have to try a little harder then. Good thing I bought this Harley Davidson, right?"

Again, Elena didn't say anything but Damon could feel her slightly trembling and he knew immediately that she was either laughing or shaking her head in disbelief. Probably it was both. Her arms held on to him even tighter and if he were an inexperienced 15-year old school boy he probably would have started trembling himself. Damon still remembered the way he was feeling when Elena fell asleep in his arms only a couple of days ago. He had never felt anything close to it, total peace settling over him and his tortured soul. For the first time in over 150 years the pieces of his heart seemed to have started to repair themselves. But now a couple of days later being held by her? His heart wanted to explode all over again with the sheer joy of it. But he would never admit that to anyone, of course.

"Damon?"

"Huh?" Damon replied, being pulled out of his thoughts he needed a second to concentrate on the street again.

"You're supposed to drive, not to get lost in thoughts!" Elena said.

"I'm perfectly capable to do both. You know, there's the whole hightened senses thing? I'm a vampire or have you forgotten?"

"How could I _ever_ forget that?" Elena said gushingly but Damon could hear the sadness vibrating through her voice.

They were both quiet for a few moments, both taking in the landscape around them. A couple of miles ahead of them to the right side lay a huge lake, surrounded by tall, green trees.

"You wanna make a stop over there?" Damon asked and pointed towards the lake.

"Sure, that's a great idea. My back will be forever thankful to you." Elena answered and laughed again. He really loved to hear her laugh, especially since it's been such a rare sound coming out of her the last couple of weeks. She really seemed a lot more relaxed that day and Damon couldn't and didn't want to hide the joy he was feeling because he was part of the reason why she was feeling better. This roadtrip had been one of the best ideas he had had in a long time. It made him feel good that he had the power to make her laugh, to make her feel good, to give her an afternoon of peace. It made him proud that he was able to be a friend to her and if that would be all he ever was to her than that's what he would take. Sooner or later, he would get over her.

Five minutes later, they came to an halt close to the lake. Damon hoisted up the motorcycle on its stand, got off from it and helped Elena down as well. Her legs gave away, having hard ground under her feet again after over three hours. Damon held her up and looked down at her, both frozen in the moment. Her hands were wrapped around his arms, her eyes fixed on his and while she tried to steady herself, magic was flowing between them. The moment was over in a second but they both knew that it had happened.

Damon wanted to bite his tongue for even thinking something like that but it truely had felt like there was something between them. He was convinced that even Elena wouldn't deny that if he asked her about it. Damon pondered for a second if he should just do it. Before this whole mess had started, he knew that the old Damon would have just gone along with it, would have pushed all her buttons just for the fun of it.

Sometimes Damon didn't know if he really liked that new version of him. He had become way too nice and soft for his taste, and sometimes he still felt that it all would be so much easier to just turn that switch inside of him. As soon as he did something wrong, he felt sorry for it immediately because even in those moments he wanted to please Elena. It didn't matter that Damon knew that she would never learn about it.

Yeah, the old Damon would have had his fun. But not now. Now the topic would hit way too close to home and as good of an actor as he had become over the centuries, he didn't want to risk being so open and vulnerable in front of her again. Not that day. That day was about having fun. At least, that was the main goal. There was only one more thing he wanted to know before the real fun would start.

"Did you ever regret letting Stefan and me into your life?" Damon asked her after a little while as they walked over to the lake. The sun was brightly shining down on them, Damon watching Elena as she fanned herself to cool down.

"No, of course not! Why would you even ask something like that?" Elena replied immediately and looked at him.

"I don't know... Back at the bike... You just sounded sad there for a second."

"What? No!" Elena said convincingly. "Seriously, Damon... Even with all the trouble and heartache and pain that sometimes comes along with the whole thing... I wouldn't want my life to be any different. And you know what? Right now I wouldn't want to be anywhere else. With anyone else." she added honestly and rewarded Damon with a huge grin.

"You flatter me. Don't do that too often, a guy could get used to it." Damon answered, winking at her.

Again, Elena punched him in the side and then leaped forward, starting to run away from him. Damon of course would have no trouble following her but he gave her a few seconds headstart to make her feel safe. When Elena was a few feet ahead of him, he chased after Elena and caught up with her when she was about to reached the shore of the lake. Without stopping, without thinking any further, Damon hoisted Elena up in his arms and run directly into the lake, not bothering that his shoes and pants got soaked.

Elena shrieked, the sound hurting Damon's sensitive hearing. She started to beat her fists against his chest but that didn't stop him from getting into the lake even further until the water reached his waist.

"DAMON! Let me down! Right this second!" Elena screamed and kept struggling in his arms.

"Oh, really? You want me to let you down? Right now?" Damon replied, smiling at her sweetly before he loosened his grip on her and started to put her down. Her beating arms immediately stopped and wrapped themselves around his neck tightly, holding on to him as good as she could.

"Are you insane? Not here! Get me out of this lake! Pleaaaaaase!" Elena begged him and gave him the sweetest smile she could muster. Damon had to fight everything he had in him not to hold her to himself even closer and kiss her senseless. _She shouldn't look at me like that... But hey... Two people can play this game... _

"Whatever you want, Elena. How could I ever deny you anything?" he asked, surpressing the grin that wanted to break out. Instead he looked at her seriously, trying to gain her trust by his look. Immediately Elena loosened her grip on Damon's neck and relaxed in his arms. Seizing the moment, even though he wished he could have held her like that for the rest of eternity, he himself loosened his grip on her and in the blink of an eye, Elena landed in the lake. Another loud shriek disturbed the silence around them, joined by an heartfelt laugh of Damon.

"HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND?" Elena screamed at Damon but at the same time couldn't hold back a laughter either. She splashed water in his direction, before she got up and jumped at him. The impact caught him off-guard and he stumbled backwards, falling into the lake as well and pulling Elena with him so that she landed on top of him.

"My mind is totally in tact, don't you worry!" Damon replied, laughing again at the whole situation. He couldn't believe that Elena wasn't mad at him, that she acutally found it just as funny as he did.

Damon ducked Elena under water for a second and she came up again, taking in a deep breath. "Do you want to kill me?" she said indignantly and splashed water at him again.

"Oh no, Elena, believe me, there'd be a lot of ways that would be way more pleasureable for me if I really wanted to kill you." Damon replied, winking at her. "So for now, you're save."

"You have no idea how much better that makes me feel!" Elena answered and Damon could see a strange fire burning in her eyes. This time he was ready for the impact as Elena launched hersef in his direction again and against his upper body. Damon stood like a rock and opened his arms. If she had asked him how she had ended up in his arms again, he would have answered that he had only opened his arms so she wouldn't hurt herself in the attempt to drown him. The truth was, that Damon just couldn't let the chance pass to hold her again, even it was just for a few moments and even if he had done just that a copule of times already that day.

What happened then, however, Damon would have never dared to dream of. He could feel one of Elena's hands rest against his chest as she came to safely stand in front of him. Her dark eyes settled on him and within seconds he was pulled into them. The same spell they had been under back at the Harley caught them again and then the world stopped its turning. Her hand burned into his chest, Damon being convinced that he would never again forget the feeling. Only a couple more moments and his shirt would probably turn to ash. Damon felt like one of those people in one of those stupid romantic movies but even if he wanted to, he wouldn't be able to break out of this moment.

And then Elena started to move even closer and Damon could only wonder for a second what had gotten into her, before her lips touched his and the world _really_ stopped its turning. Damon was frozen and he could have sworn that his dead heart was close to start beating again. Elena's whole body was pressed up against his, igniting a fire in him that burned so hot and strong that he couldn't remember it ever having felt like that before.

Damon had no idea what to do. Before his brain could finally catch up with reality and he was about to start kissing her back, Elena broke away. Her cheeks turned into the deepest shade of red, her eyes turned down towards the water.

"I..." Elena started but was cut off by Damon, who didn't want this moment to be destroyed by talking. His lips were on hers immediately and he put everything that he had in him, the pain, the heartache, the loneliness, the longing, the hunger, the passion and even the _love_, into that one single kiss. His left hand rested on her cheek, holding her to him carefully, while his other hand rested on the small of her back as to never let her go again.

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And while you hold her like that, her body close to yours, her lips moving in sync with yours, you realize that neither one nor two or three eternities would ever be enough to stop that longing for that beautiful woman in your arms. You never want to let her go. You want to keep her safe and you want to love her and kiss her for the rest of your long long life. You want to show her the true meaning of making love and the thought of being cradled in her warm and loving embrace drives you nearly out of your mind and makes you kiss her even harder.

She doesn't back away and again you ask yourself what might have gotten into her to kiss you back like that. Her passion matches yours. Her hunger matches yours. Her body fitts against yours perfectly and you wonder for a moment if maybe, just maybe, there's something like fate and soulmates and matches made in heaven.

And you realize that you _have_ loved her, that you _love_ her and that you, God help you, will _always_ love her.

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_A/N 2 (a.k.a. the A/N that was written about 1,5 weeks ago, when my holidays had just started): This story is going to be the death of me... I can't sleep, I can't drink, I can't eat *lol* No, just kidding of course. But I really am not able to think of anything else these days besides Damon and Elena. And it is kinda strange that the one night I dream of DE is the first night of my holidays that I was able to sleep through (I've been to Hungary for four nights and woke up like two or three times every night). So anyway, this is it, the new chapter. Was it as good to read for you as it felt good to write for me? The whole chapter just kinda flowed... but of course that's just me. Maybe it sucked and I just don't realize it? I would be forever greatful if you would let me know ;-) You just have to click on the little button below! Thanks so much!_


	10. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

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Elena's mind was racing, her heart beating like she had just run a marathon and at the same time, time and space seemed to stand still. She couldn't think and she couldn't breath but in that moment thinking and breathing were only secondary anyways. Elena had absolutely no idea how she had ended up kissing Damon, all she knew was that it felt right. _And oh, so good... _

Elena could feel Damon's thumb gently stroke her face, while the hand on her back pushed her closer to him. The water splashed around them as they pushed the remaining water between their bodies aside, their lips never leaving each other. Elena would have never believed that Damon had so much gentleness in him but the way he kissed her almost broke her heart.

As if Damon had heard her thoughts, the kiss started to heat up. His lips became more urgent, sending a shiver through Elena's body and setting the pit of her stomach on fire. _Oh my God... this shouldn't feel so damn good... _Her brain had long ago stopped working but she knew that somewhere in her head there was a reason why she shouldn't be doing what she was doing. She was trying to think of it but Damon's soft lips made it really hard to concentrate at all.

Elena had no idea how long they had been standing there, it could have been seconds, it could have been hours, and it took another maybe-seconds or maybe-hours until they finally broke apart, both breathless. Not that Damon really needed air but his chest was raising and falling nonetheless. He looked at her with wide eyes, his blue orbs looking for something. Looking for _anything_. She wished she knew what to say to him, to give him some sort of an answer.

"Elena... what..." Damon started but he seemed to have lost the ability to speak as well.

"I... God... I'm so sorry, Damon." Elena answered because she didn't know what else to say.

"Sorry for what?" he wanted to know, hurt flashing in his eyes. Elena wondered if she had just imagined it or if it really was hurt.

"For... I don't know... for that." she said and moved her finger between the two of them. "That shouldn't have happened... I'm sorry..."

The look on Damon's face nearly broke her heart all over again because she had never seen him look at her like that and she hated that she was the reason for that look. Whatever the look was supposed to mean. _Maybe... Just maybe Isobel wasn't that wrong about what she had said... _

Something changed in Damon's eyes and it looked like he had just turned over a switch inside of him, his mood suddendly changed. "Oh... Okay. I understand. You don't have to be sorry because it'll never happen again." he said curtly, shooting her a cold and distant look.

"Look, Damon. I'm..."

"I know. You're sorry, it's totally okay." he said, putting a smile on. "Really, Elena, believe me. We just got caught up in the moment, no big deal. In an hour we'll both have forgotten about it." he continued, his eyes still distant but he sounded as convincing as only Damon could. "Right now, we should probably get out of the water before you catch a cold."

Elena mustered him one last time, trying to figure out if he really was okay with it. Something kept nagging at her that he wasn't being honest with her but at the same time she was too afraid to keep pushing the topic. Because then he would start pushing it, too, and she wasn't really certain what she would tell him then.

"You're probably right. Let's get out and get dried."

* * *

As they lay there in the grass, the sun slowly started to settle around them. Damon had pulled off his black shirt, which lay beside him in the sun, leaving him only clad in his pants. Elena had done the same with her shirt but Damon had given her his leather jacket so she wouldn't get sick. A could breeze blew over them and goose bumps broke out all over Elena's body. Elena sat up and checked out her tshirt lying beside her. It was all dried up again, so she pulled the tshirt over her head, stealing a glance at his still form. Damon was lying there like a stone statue, not one part of his body moving.

"You like what you see?" Damon wanted to know after a few moments, his voice playful.

"How did you..." Elena asked shocked, her eyes wide open.

"Your breathing kinda gave you away." Damon replied, finally opening one of his eyes and looking at her.

"You can hear that?"

"I can hear and see and smell a lot of things." Damon said shortly, closing his eye and turning his head back again.

Instead of asking what he meant by that, Elena asked the next thing that came to her mind. "So, how close to home are we?" Elena wanted to know then.

"Uhm... I fear you won't like the answer..." Damon replied carefully.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"It means that we're too far away to go back home tonight, that's for sure."

"What do you mean too far away to go back home tonight?"

"It means, that we're too far away from home to go back tonight. You're going to freeze to death before we even get close to Mystic Falls."

Elena looked at him seriously, probably trying to figur out if he was lying or not. "You're kidding, right?" Elena asked but didn't sound so convinced.

"I... I fear, I'm not. Sorry.", he answered and rose his hands apologetically. "But hey, we passed a motel a couple of miles down this road." Damon added, pointing in the direction from which they came from.

"But I can't just stay away all night long. Jenna is going to freak out on me!" Elena said and started to freak out herself.

"Come on, Elena, relax. No need to destroy the good mood over something like that! I can talk to Jenna if you want."

"Yeah, because she's going to feel a loooooooot better when she knows that I'm with you." she replied mockingly.

"Hey, you asked me if I wanted to kill you. I told you that I don't. If I were to drive you home tonight you'd probably end up with pneumonia. I'm not going to risk that! And now stop freaking out because it won't change anything." Damon said and Elena knew immediately that he wouldn't argue with her about it any further. So instead of risking to start a fight with him, she simply gave in.

"Fine. But you're going to call Jenna." Elena said, getting up from the ground she walked over to the bike.

* * *

Half an hour later, the sun had already set behind the trees, both Elena and Damon were fully dressed again and on their way back to the motel Damon was talking about. The road seemed to stretch on and on while the sun took its last sunrays down with it, illuminating the street in a dark light.

The talk with Jenna went way more smoothly than she would have thought. Then again, with Damon's charm, he could get everything he wanted. It only took him like two minutes to convince Jenna that it would be good for Elena to spend a night away from her everyday's life, away from all the problems and to just have fun for a few hours. Jenna didn't even argue and just wanted to talk Elena for a moment. She told her to take care and have fun and then the phone talk was over in 2 minutes and 57 seconds.

They started their way back immediately after having called Jenna and were nearing the motel in full speed. Elena was still wrapped up in Damon's leather jacket, Damon insisting that she should keep it since he couldn't get sick. They were just rounding another turn when the red and green flashing sign of the motel showed up on the horizon. Damon sped up even more and Elena moved closer to him, tightening the grip around his torso. She had decided to give up on telling him how to drive and instead just trust him.

But could she really fully trust him? Something within her still kept nagging at her that Damon wasn't honest. The kiss they had shared had clearly meant something to him and yet he pretended that it didn't mean a thing. Then again, wasn't that what she wanted? It to _not_ mean anything? Because the truth was that it _shouldn't_ mean anything. She couldn't just go around and kiss her boyfriend's brother. Especially not, if you knew the history of these two brothers. Elena had sworn herself that she would never get in the middle of them and that she would never be anything like Katherine. So what was she doing then when she kissed Damon?

Elena still couldn't explain to herself what had gotten into her when she had kissed Damon like that. There was something flowing between them, around them, within them and she just knew that she had to do it or she would never ever be happy again. But how was she supposed to ever be happy again now? Now that she knew what it really felt like to kiss Damon? Because even if she loved Stefan, which she really really did, Elena would never forget the feeling of Damon's soft lips on hers and how right and perfect it had felt.

A wave of guilt rolled over her and hit her with a force she had never experienced before. _Stefan... _That was the reason that she couldn't think of back in the lake. The reason why she shouldn't be driving around with Damon, why she shouldn't spend the night in a motel with Damon, why she shouldn't kiss Damon. Stefan was the reason why Damon shouldn't be able to have so much power over her, why Damon shouldn't be able to send waves of calmness through her when she woke up in the middle of the night, why she shouldn't let Damon sleep in her bed to keep her safe.

But where was Stefan? Would she ever see him again? Elena hadn't heard of him in over a week and what scared her the most was the fact that she didn't feel pain or hurt or anger anymore when she looked at her cellphone and still hadn't received a call or a message. Another wave of guilt washed over her. What the hell was she doing? She loved Stefan. He was chasing after the murderer of her biological father and she had nothing better to do than kiss his brother? That wasn't like her. It's not who she wanted to be. And she couldn't go on like that and risk loosing both Stefan and Damon.

Elena was suddendly pulled out of her thoughts when Damon stopped the Harely Davidson in front of the motel. To avoide another close contact with Damon, Elena hopped of the bike herself and then waited for Damon to park it and get it ready for the night.

"So, that's where we're gonna sleep tonight?" Elena said to break the silence, since they hadn't said another word since back at the lake.

"Yes, that's exactly where we're going to sleep tonight." Damon replied before he went straight for the entrance. Elena caught up with him just when he was about to enter and before he stepped inside he held the door open for Elena.

The lobby, if one could call it that, wasn't big, so they were stranding in front of the counter immediately. An old man got up from a chair behind it, flashing them a teethless smile. Elena tried to return the smile as Damon started talking to the old man.

"A room for two?" the old man wanted to know, still smiling at the both of them.

Damon looked at Elena for a short moment and whatever he saw in her eyes made him nod slightly and turn his attention back to the guy. "No, two rooms, please." Damon said then and for a second Elena didn't know if she felt sad or relieved. _No no no... _No, she felt relieved. Elena was convinced that she only needed a little time and space and then in the morning, her feelings would have sorted themselves out and she could go on with her life, Stefan as her boyfriend and Damon as a very good friend.

"I'm sorry, but there's only one more room available." the old man replied and smiled at them apologetically. Elena's heart sunk as the old man looked through the book with reservations.

"Are you sure?" Damon asked and made the man look up. The old man's eyes were suddendly fixed on Damon. Elena watched Damon as he lowered his head a little so that he was eye to eye with the guy. "Are you really sure? Could you please check again?" Damon said, his voice sounding almost hypnotic.

"Damon!" Elena hushed, not liking the idea of Damon compelling the poor man but Damon only waved his hand at her, signaling her to be quiet as the man looked through the book again.

"Oh..." he started at last "it looks like I've missed a room. There is a family room available, with two seperate bedrooms."

"Doesn't that sound perfect? We'll take it!" Damon said with a smile and broke the connection with the old man to look at Elena, who shot him an angry look. It only made Damon smile even more.

The old man pulled a box up from under the counter and looked through it. Seconds later he held keys in his left hand that he handed over to Damon. "Room number 7. It's on the first floor. Turn right after the stairs and follow the hallway to the end."

"Thank you very much, sir." Elena said, giving him another small smile.

Damon's eyes were fixed on the old man again. "I'd also like to have a beer and..." Damon started but before he could go any further, Elena grabbed his hand and pulled him away.

"Sorry, sir, my friend was only kidding. Have nice evening." Elena excused the both of them and pulled Damon after her, his hand still in hers.

"I wasn't kid..." Damon started again, but again was cut off by Elena.

"DAMON!" she said angrily, marching on and only hearing Damon snicker behind her.

* * *

Katherine silently opened the door to the motel room, glancing into it carefully. She spotted Damon lying on the bed, the covers pulled up to his waist, his chest bare. Not hesitating, she went into the room as silently as only a vampire could and closed the door behind her.

She looked over to the door that led to the children's bedroom, before she returned all her attention back to the man on the bed. An evil grin formed on Katherine's beautiful and flawless face and with a hop, she jummped directly onto Damon, wrapping her hand around his throat and gripping it tightly. Damon's eyes snapped open in shock and when he realized who was in the room he tried to fight her off. But Katherine, being way more older than him, was too strong. Damon wasn't able to get her off of him or even move so much as an inch.

"What..." he started but no sound left his mouth.

Katherine let out a loud and evil laugh that even made the usual fearless Damon break out in goose bumps, before she kissed him passionately and rammed a stake into his heart that she seemed to have pulled out of nowhere. Katherine threw her head up in the air, while all life left Damon, turning grey under her. Katherin laughed like the devil himself, the laughing dragging on and on until it turned into the hysterically screams of Elena who trashed around in her bed.

"Elena! Wake up! Come on, my love! Wake up!" Damon said, his hands shaking Elena carefully. "ELENA!" Damon tried again and again until her eyes finally snapped open and looked at him with wide eyes, tears streaming down her face.

Before he could say anything, Elena threw her arms around him, not even realizing that he was only wearing boxers. She sobbed against his chest while he held her close to his body, stroking her back soothingly.

"You're alive... God, you're alive..." she sobbed over and over again and felt his grip around her tighten. Damon's hand stroked over her head tentatively, as hot tears ran down his cold body.

Damon held her like that for what felt like hours until Elena finally calmed down a little, no more tears left to cry. She lay down again, pulling Damon with her who came to lie down next to her. Without saying another word, Elena being too exhausted and too scared that Damon would leave her again if she said something, Elena pulled the covers over the both of them, snuggled closer into Damon's side and then closed her eyes and tried to fall back asleep.

That wave of calmness and peace and comfort that Damon's presence always seemed to send out, washed over her, making her sigh deeply. But this time it was different. For the first time it not only settled over her mind and body but over heart as well. It felt like a tiny little flame that had been ignited within her. A little flame that was about to turn into a campfire and would sure as hell turn into a forest fire if no one would come and extinguish it soon.

And the last two thoughts that went through Elena's head, before exhaustion finally pulled her into sleep, were that 1) this fire looked a lot like the one she sometimes saw burning in Damon's eyes and 2) that it felt a lot like _love_.

* * *

_A/N: Soooooo, we're finally getting somewhere, don't we? Or maybe not? Would be too easy, right? I guess we will have to wait and see :-D Maybe... just maaaaaaaaaaybe I'd be able to update again very soon if you let me know what you think about this chapter ;-) That sounds like blackmailing? Nooo, I would never ever do that! But I'd still be very happy if you'd let me know anyways :-) Thanks a lot!_


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